French's International Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and the 

United States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors. 






^ No. 2IO. 



iTHE TWO DICKS 



^^■\^N»Kv'««»^5i!»^^!«N»^!<^^<v^^<^v*s:»x^x\\VN^'v^\■vss^ 



^ Copyright, 191 i, by Samuel French 



"^ New York 

5 SAMLLL IRLNCH 

<y PUliLISllEKS 

V 28-30 West 38TH Street 



I 31 Comctip in €tDO %ct^ g 



g BESSIE W. SPRINGER g 



>^ ^ 

^ CAUTION :— Tlie professional acting rights of this play are ^ 

^ reserved by the publisher, Samuel French, 38-30 West ^ 

^ 38th. Street, New York, and is subject to a royalty when fti, 

^ produced, and permission for such performances must be ^ 

^ obtained before performances are given. This notice does ij> 

'^ not apply to amateurs, who may perform the play with- 1^ 

'^ our permission. All professional unauthorized produc- A 

^ tions will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. ^ 

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London jj 

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FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. 



Price 15 Cents each.— Bound Volcimes $1.25. 



VOL. I. 

1 Ion 

2 F:aio 

3 The Lndy ol Lyons 

4 Richelieu 
6 Tlie Wile 

6 The Honeymoon 

7 The School tor Scandal 

8 Money 

VOL. II. 

9 The Stranger 

10 (irandlather Whitehead 

11 Richard III 

12 Love's Sacrifice 

13 The Gamester 

14 A Cure for the Heartachi 
16 The Hunchback 

16 Don Ca-sar de Bazan 

VOL. HI. 
n The Poor Gentleman 
18 Hamlet 

15 Ch:irles II 

20 Venice Preserved 

21 Pizarro 

22 Tlie Love Chase 

23 Othello 

24 Lend me Five Shillings 

VOL. IV. 

25 Virginius 

26 King of the Commons 
2T London Assurance 

28 The Rent Day 

29 Two Gentlemen of Verona 
aOThe Jealous Wife 

31 The Rivals 

32 Perfection 

VOL. V. [Debts 
.13 A New Way to Pay Old 

34 Look Before You Leap 

35 King John 

36 Nervous Man 

37 Damon and Pythias 

38 Clandestine Marriage 

39 William Tell 

40 Day after the Wedding 

VOL. VI. 

41 Speed the Plough 

42 Romeo and Juliet 

43 Feudal Times 

44 Charles the Twelfth 

45 The Bride 

46 The Follies of a Night 

47 Irim Chest [Fair Lady 

48 Faint Hear: Never' Won 

VOL. VII. 

49 Road to Ruin 
60 Macbeth 

51 Temper 

52 Evadne 
6.'i Bertram 

64 The Duenna 

55 M uch Ado About Nothing 

66 The I'rilic 

VOL. VIII, 

67 The Apostate 

68 Twell'th Night 

69 Brutus 

60 Simpson & Co 

61 Mercha.,t of Venice 

62 OldHeadsA Young Hearts 

63 Mnuntaineers [riage 

64 Three Weeks after Mar- 

VOL. LX. 

65 Love 

66 As You Like It 

67 The Elder Brother 

68 Werner 

69 Gisippus 

1U Town and Country 

71 King Lear 

72 Blue Devils 

VOL. X. 

73 Henry VIII 

74 Married and Single 
76 Henrv IV 

76 Paul Pry 

77 Guv Mannering 

78 Sweethearts and Wives 

79 Serious Family 

80 She Stoops to Conquer 



VOL. XI. 

81 Julius Ca-sar 

82 Vicar of Wakefield 

83 Leap Year 

84 The Catspaw 

B5 The Passing Cloud 

86 Drunkard 

87 Rob Roy 

88 George Barnwell 

VOL. XH. ■ 

89 Tngomar 

90 Sketches in India 

91 Two Friends 
9; Jane Shore 

93 Corsican Brothers 

94 Mind your own Business 

95 Writing on the Wall 

96 Hek at Law 

VOL. XIII. 

97 Soldier's Daughter 
9- Douglas 

99 Marco Spada 

00 Nature's Nobleman 

01 Sardanapalus 

02 Civilization 

03 The Robbers 

04 Katharine and Petruchio 

VOL. XIV. 
06 Game of Love 

06 Midsum_.er Night's 

07 Ernestine [Dream 

08 Rag Picker of Paris 

09 Flying Dutchman 
io Hypocite 

11 Ther^.e 

12 La Tour de Nesle 

VOL. XV. 

13 Trerand As It Is 

14 Sea of Ice 

15 Seven Clerks 

16 Game ol Life 

17 Forty Thieves 

18 Bryan Boroihme 

19 Romance and Reality 

20 Ugolino 

V^L. XVI. 

21 The Tempest 

22 The Pilot 

23 Carpenter of Rouen 
4 King's Rival 

25 Little Treasure 

26 Dombey and Son 

2" Parents and Guardians 
18 Jewess 

VOL. XVII. 

29 Camille 

30 Married Life 

31 Wen lock of Wenlock 

32 Rose of Etlrickvale 

33 David Copperfield 

34 Aline, or the Rose of 

35 Pauline [Killarney 

36 Jane Eyre 

VOL. XVIII. 

37 Night and Morning 

38 ^thiop 

;<9 Three Guardsmen 

40 Tom Cringle 

41 Henriette. the Forsaken 

42 Eustache Baudin 

43 Ernest Maltravers 

44 Bold Dragoons 

VOL. XIX. 

45 Dred, or the Dismal 

[Swamp 

46 Last Davs of Pompeii 

47 Esmeralda 

48 Peter Willins 

49 Ben the Boftswain 

50 Jonathan Bradford 

61 Retribution 

62 Minerali 

VOL. XX. 
53 French Spv 
64 V. ept of Wish-ton Wish 
55 Evil Genius 
66 Ben Bolt 

57 Sailor of France 

58 Red Mask 

59 Life of an Actress 

60 Wedding Day 



VOL. XXI. 
Ifil All's Fair in Love 

162 Hofer 

163 Self 

164 Cinderella 

165 Phantom 

166 Franklin [Moscow 

167 The Gunmaker of 

168 The Love oi ,. Prince 
VOL. XXII. 

169 Son of the Night 

170 Rory O'More 

171 Golden Eagle 
■72 Rienii 

173 Broken Sword 

174 Rip Van Winkle 

175 Isabelle 

176 Heart of Mid Lothian 
VOL. XXIII. 

177 Actress of Padua 

178 Floating Beacon 

179 Bride of Lammermoor 

180 Cataract of the Ganges 

181 Robber of the Rhine 

182 School ot Reform 

183 Wandering Boys 

184 Mazeppa 

VOL. XXIV. 
186 Young New York 

186 The Victims 

187 Romance after Marriage 

188 Brigand 

189 Poor of New York 

190 Ambrose Gwinett 

191 Raymond and Agnes 

192 Gambler's Fate 

VOi.. XXV. 

193 Father and Son 

194 Miissaniello 

196 Sixteen String Jack 

196 youthtul Queen 

197 Skeleton Witness 

198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 

199 Miller and his Men 
•iV Aladdin 

VOL. XXVI. 

201 Adrienne the Actress 

202 Undine 

203 Jesse Brown 

204 Asmodeus 

205 Mormons 

206 Blanche of Brandywine 

207 Viola 

208 Deseret Deserted 

VOL. XXVll. 

209 Americans in Paris 

210 Victorine 

211 Wizard of the Wave 

212 Castle Spectre 

213 Horse-shoe Robinson 
21. Armand, Mrs. Mowatt 

Fashion, Mrs. Mowatt,' 

216 Glance at New York 
VOL. XXVIH. 

217 Inconstant 

218 ITncIe Tom's Cabin 

219 Guide to the Stage 

220 Veteran 

221 Miller of New Jersey 

222 Dark Hour before Dawn 

223 Midsum'rNight'sDream 
[L:iura Keene's Edition 

224 Art and Artifice 
VOL. XXIX. 

226 Poor Young Man 

226 Ossawattomie Brown 

227 Pope of Rome 

228 Oliver Twist 

229 Pauvrette 

230 Man in the Iron Mask 

231 Knight of Arva 

232 Moll Pitcher 
VOL. XXX. 

233 Black Eyed Susan 
v-;4 Satan in Paris 

236 Rosina Meadows [ess 

236 West End, or Irish Heir 

237 Six Degrees of Crime 

238 The L.tdy and the Devil 

239 A venirer, or Moor of Sici 



VOL. XXXI. 

241 Merry Wives of Windeor 

242 Mary's Birthday 

243 Shandv Maguire 

244 Wild daU 

245 Michael Erie 
'46 Idiot Witness 

247 Willow Copse 

248 People's Lawyer 

vol XXXII. 

249 The boy Martyrs 

250 Lucretia Borgia 

251 Surgeon of Paris 
262 Patrician's Daughte» 

253 Shoemaker of Toul use 

254 Momentous Question 

255 Love and Loyalty 

266 Robber's Wife 
VOL. XXXIII. 

267 Dumb Girl of Genoa 
2 8 Wreck Ashore 

259 Clari 

260 Rural Felicity 

261 Wallace 

262 Madelaine 

263 The Fireman 

264 Grist to the Mill 

VOL. XXXIV. 

265 Two Loves and a Life 

266 Annie Blake 

267 Steward 

268 Captain Kyd 

269 Nii-k of the Woods 

270 Marble Heart 

271 Second Love 

272 Dream at Sea 

Vol. XXXV. 

273 Breach of Promise 

274 Review 

276 Lady of the Lake 

276 Still Water Runs Deep 

277 The Scholar 

278 Helping Hands 

279 Faust and Marguerite 
2H0 Last M'ln 

VOL. XXXVI. 

281 Belle's Stratagem 

282 Old and Young 

283 Raffaella 

284 Ruth Oakley 

286 British Sir .'e 
2a6 A Life's kansom 

287 Giralda 

28 Time Irie- Ail 

VOL. XXXVII. 

289 Ella Rosenborg 

290 Warlock of the Glen 

291 Zelina 

292 Beatrice 

293 Neighbor Jackwood 

294 Wonder 

295 Robert Emmet 

296 Green Bushes 

VOL. xxxvni. 

297 Flowers ol the Forest 

298 A Bachelor of Arts 

299 The Midnight Banquet 

300 Husband of «n Hour 

301 Love's Labor Lost 

302 Naiad Queen 

303 Caprice 

304 Cradle of Liberty 

VOL. XXXIX. 

305 The Lost Ship 

306 Country Squire 

307 Fraud and its Victims 

308 Putnam 

309 King and Deserter 

310 La F ammina 

311 A Hard Struggle 

312 Gwinnette Vaughan 

VOL. XL. 

313 The Love Knot [Judge 

314 Lavater, or Not a Bad 

315 The Noble Heart 

316 Coriolanus 

317 The Winter's Tale 

318 Eveleen Wilson 

319 Ivanh. 



240 Masks and Faces [ly|320 Jonathan in England 



(French's Standard Drama Continued on jd page o_f Cover.) 



SAMUEL FRENCH, 28=30 West 38th Street, New York City. 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free "^n Request 



THE TWO DICKS 



311 ComeUp in Ctoo 3llct^ 



BY 

BESSIE W. SPRINGER 



Copyright, 191 i, by Samuel French 



CAUTION:— The professional acting rights of this play are 
reserved by the publisher, Samuel French, 28-30 West 
38th. Street, New York, and is subject to a royalty when 
produced, and permission for such performances must be 
obtained before performances are given. This notice does 
not apply to amateurs, who may perform the play with- 
out permission. All professional unauthorized produc- 
tions will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 



London 
SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 



puBi-isHER 26 Southampton Street 

!}8-30 WEST 38th STREET I STRAND 



THE TWO DICKS. 



Cbaracters. 

Miles Lambert, of New York. 

Dick Jerome, of New York. 

Dixon Jerome, of Pittsburg, his Twin Brother. 

Betty (Mrs. Miles Lambert). 

Alice Sinclair, of New York (Engaged to Dick). 

Marie Brooks, of Pittsburg (Engaged to Dixon) 

Anna, Maid at the Lambert's. 

Scene. — Living-room in the Lambert's Country House 
on the Hudson. Christmas Eve. 

Time— The Present. 



DIAGRAM. 



I. Hat rack; 2. Windows; 3. Table; 4. Chest; 5. Davenport; 
6. Fireplace ; 7. Plant ; 8. Tabk ; 9. Desk ; 10. Easy chair ; 
X. Easy chairs; X. At desk, straight chair; 11. Smoking set on 
tabouret ; X. At L. U. E., hall chair. 

t ■. - /, 

©C!.D 26029 



THE TWO DICKS. 

ACT I. 

(Scene : — Living-room in the Lambert's country house 
on the Hudson^ Chiistmas Eve. A room hung in 
red. Exits at L. i E., l. u. e. and R. u. e. Two 
windows, R. C. Between doors on left is a fireplace 
a fire a-light, and on the mantel a clock aiid two 
brass candle-sticks. A davenport stands in front of 
fire and has two pilloie>s on it. A table at C, a little 
to the right, holds an electric lamp with a red and 
green shade, and a book rack containing books is in 
one corner, several magazijies are on the other side, 
and a match-safe and ash-tray complete the table 
furnishing. An easy-chair stands on each side of 
the table, and a little to the right is a taborette holding 
a smoking-set, pipe, cigarettes and so forth. At 
right, up stage is a small desk, an easy-chair stands 
in frotit of it, and the fittings of the desk are of brass. 
Near R. u. E. stands a hat rack and a coat hangs 
on it. At c. in the back is a table holding an electric 
lamp, several pieces of bric-a-brac, and a tall glass 
vase. Another easy-chair stands at the left, and 
near L. u. e. is a chest ivith pillows heaped on it. 
Portieres of red hang at each door and make over- 
drapes for the windows. Several rugs cover the 
floor and a small desk lamp stands on desk. The 
light inside and out is that of a late winter's after- 
noon, and it snows gently without. On curtain. 
Miles is discovered on a step-ladder near the 
window, puttifig up decorations. He hangs the 
wreath he has between the windows, turns to 
Betty who is at the foot of the ladder, and holds 
out his hand for the paper bell she has. She gives 
3 



4 THE TWO DICKS. 

it to him, he hangs it below the wreath, comes off the 
ladder, moves the ladder to the hall door, l. u. e., 
mounts and holds out his hand for the other bell, 
which Betty holds.) 

Betty. Do you think that is a good place for it? 

Miles, {surveying the situatio?i) Why not .' 

Betty. It will hit when the door opens. 

Miles, {waving his hand) Let the door remain 
closed. 

Betty, {same business) How will you get into the 
hall? 

Miles. Through the key-hole. Very convenient. 

Betty, {amused) You're too absurd. 

Miles, {getting off the ladder) Where shall I put 
it, then ? 

Betty. Over the mantel. 

Miles, {moving the ladder to fireplace, and putting 
bell on top of it) All right. 

Bbtty. {opening a parcel on the davenport) Don't 
you think a festoon of evergreen would look better 
there ? 

Miles, {mounting ladder and turning to look at her) 
Festoon of evergreen ? 

Betty. Yes, draped. {He looks puzzled) Like 
this. {Illustrates) 

Miles, {sitting on top of ladder) Oh, gee, no I 
The bell will look lots better. 

Betty. Well, maybe it will, Let's see. Where is 
the bell ? 

Miles, {looking around the room) I don't know. 
What did I do with it ? 

Betty, {after looking around for it and going behind 
the ladder) Miles Lambert, you're sitting on it. 

Miles, {rising hastily, and holding up a much crushed 
bell) Well, I'll be 

Betty, {hastily) How stupid, and that's the last 
bell we have. 



THE TWO DICKS. 5 

MiLKs. Hooray, I won't have to hang up an3'thing 
more. 

Betty. Oh, yes you will. There's all this ever- 
green. 

Miles, {subdued) Hang it up. (Betty does so. 
Miles taking one end, tacks it up, and pulls t/te piece 
across tight) How's that ? 

Betty. Oh, that won't do at all. Make festoons. 

Miles. Like that ? 

Betty. Yes. (Miles tacks up evergreen and de- 
scends) 

Betty. I know where there is another bell. It can 
go there. {Exit, R. u. e) 

(Miles sits on bottom step of ladder.) 

Betty, {re-entering with bell in hand) Here it is. 

Miles, {taking it and ascending ladder) Now to sit 
on this one. 

Betty. Don't you dare. 

Miles, {tacking it up in centre of mantel) How's 
that? 

Betty, {critically) I think it would be better to the 
left. 

Miles, {moving left) Like that .? 

Betty. Well, no. It was better where it was. 

Miles. Now Betty 

Betty. It won't be a bit artistic if it isn't just right. 

Miles. Artistic be blowed ! {He moves it to centre). 

Betty. No, that won't do at all. {He looks despair- 
ing) To the right would be better. {He moves it to right) 
No, wait. 

Miles, {dropping bell and wiping his face with a 
handkerchief) For the Lord's sake, make up your 
mind. 

Betty, {sweetly and picking up bell) Don't get 
impatient, dearie. 

Miles. I'm worn to a frazzle now. Gimme the 
bell. 



6 THE T^^O DICKS. 

Betty, {handing it up) Now a little to the right. 

Miles. {iakifig it) Are you sure.'' 'Cause I'll 
not change it again, that's flat. 

Betty. Yes, that will do. (Miles hatigs it and 
descends) 

(Betty gathers up Utter of boxes, string and tissue paper 
scattered around room, ivhile Miles 7vipes face.) 

Miles. Whew 1 that's hot work. 

Betty. {same business 7vith litter) And nearly 
zero outside. 

Miles. Can't help that. {lookifig at decorations) 
Looks pretty nice tho'. Who all is coming. 

Betty, {carrying out Utter R. u. e.) Only Alice. 

Miles. {catching at ladder for support) Alice ! 
Did you say Alice ? 

Betty, {off stage) Yes. 

Miles. Suffering cats ! What on earth shall I do ? 
Here I've asked Dick Jerome down here for Christmas, 
and he and Alice have broken their engagement. Why. 
they don't even speak. What a mix-up. {He carries 
ladder out l. u. E. and returns at once) May be he 
won't come. I should have heard from him before 
this. {He sits in easy chair by desk) It grows darker 
and snows harder. 

Betty, {entering r. u. e.) What time is it, dearie. 

Miles, {consulting ivatch) Nearly five. 

Betty, {coining c. and turfiing up Ught on table) 
Alice will 

Miles, {qinckly) Alice Sinclair, isn't it ? 

Betty, {settling herself; book in hand, at left of table) 
She's the only Alice I know, and she ought to be here 
soon uow. 

Miles. There's no doubt that she's coming, I 
suppose. 

Betty, {looking up from book) Why no. I just 
sent Luke down to the train with the carriage, {reads) 

Miles. Carriage ! What for ? 



THE TWO DICKS. 7 

Betty, Because it's snowing so hard. 

Miles. That's right, it is snowing pretty hard. 
Maybe she won't come. 

Betty, {looking up su>-prised) Maybe she won't 
come ? 

Miles. Maybe not. 

Betty. {reading) Wliy, she was crazy about it. 
Of course she'll come. 

Miles. Oh, sure, she'll come, {makes a face) 

Betty, {catching him at it) Why, Miles, don't you 

like Alice ? 

Miles. Oh, sure, fine girl, fine girl. 

Betty. Then why did you make such a face ? 

{Enter Anna rvith telegram.) 

Anna. Telegram, sir. 

Miles, {taking telegram and reading) Great Caesar ! 

Betty. What is it ? Bad news ? 

Miles, {pacing floor) Great Caesar ! 

Betty, {rising) Miles, what is it ? Let me see 
the telegram. 

Miles, {stopping) It's only Dick. 

Betty. What about him ? Is he hurt or 

Miles. No, he isn't hurt. I wish he was. I wish 
he'd broken his leg. 

Betty. Why, Miles ! 

Miles, {desperately) He's coming here. 

Betty. Here ? When ? 

Miles. Now. Sent this message from the station. 
Had to wait to see a man. 

Betty. Coming here ? But how 

Miles. Must I make a drawing of it ? He's coming 
here to spend Christmas. I invited him. 

Betty. {calmly) Oh, did you ? (Miles noJi 
despairingly) How thoughtful of you. (Miles stares 
and she walks to window) I never thought of him. 
and of course Alice wouldn't be satisfied without him. 

Miles, {aside and pacing floor) Jumping catsl 



8 THE TWO DICKS. 

She can't know about their quarrel, {aloud) Well, 
you see, dear 

Betty, {arratigiiig witidow curtains) And I don't 
see why you were so excited about the message, {as 
though a thought strikes her) 'J'here must have been 
something else in it. Miles, I insist on 

Miles. That is all there was in the message. 

Betty. Then why 

Miles. Well, you see, dear, Alice and Dick — , 
well, their engagement is — is 

Betty. Yes, is announced. They've been engaged 
some time, {bell rings) And here's Alice. {Exit 
L. u. E. 

Miles, {dramatically) " Mischief, thou art afoot, 
take thou what course thou wilt." {Exit R. u. e.) 

(Enter Betty showing in Alice and followed by Anna 
with a suit-case, at L. u. E.) 

Betty. Anna, take Miss Sinclair's suit-case to the 
blue room. 

{Exit Anna.) 

Alice, {going to Jire and warming hands) My, it's 
cold. 

Betty. Perhaps you would like to go up to your 
room. 

Alice. {taking off coat) I'll go there directly. 
{sits on Davenport, smoothing hair, and seeming a little 
preoccupied) 

Betty. {sitti?ig beside her) Now tell me all the 
news. 

Alice, {idly turnifig the leaves of a book she finds on 
davenport) There isn't very much. 

Betty. Oh, there must be. I don't get news down 
here, but Miles likes the change, and so do I, so we 
come down. 

Alice. It's lovely at this time of the year. 



THE TWO DICKS. 9 

Betty. How did the Rittman-Hoffnian wedding 
come off ? I heard you were to be brides-maid. 

Alice. Yes, I was. Oh, everything was lovely, 
but, my dear, she was a sight. 

Betty. Did you ever see her anything else ? 

Alice. Never, but she's a sweet girl. 

Betty. Oh, yes, she's a dear, tho' not good-looking. 
But how 

Alice. But how did she ever get Bob Hoffman ? 
why Dick, — er — Mr. Jerome said 

Betty. Oh, how is Dick ? 

Alice. That he felt as tho' he had to marry her, 
Bob I mean, of course, because he was such an old 
friend of the family, and then her people made such a 
set for him. 

Betty. I should think they did. Why they haven't 
a penny, and I heard she had to borrow money to buy 
her trousseau. 

Alice, {arousing a little) I heard so, too. 

Betty. And she got her .satin pumps from Irene 
Jerome. 

Alice. Yes, Dick — er — Mr. Jerome said she did. 

Betty. Oh, Alice, he's coming 

Alice. He's not Dick to me any more. 

Betty. Alice, {seizijig her left hand Why, your 
ring is gone. 

Alice, {pulling her hatid away) Certainly. It is 
customary to return it when an engagement is broken. 

Betty, {rising) Alice Sinclair, you haven't broken 
your engagement? 

Alice. Yes. 

Betty. You're a bad, wicked girl 

Alice. Betty. 

Betty, {walking) A heartless 

Alice. Why, Betty ! 

Betty, {stopping in front of her) To throw over 
Dick Jerome ; you ought to be ashamed. 

Alice, {beginning to cry) I'd be more ashamed if 
I hadn't. 



10 THE TWO DICKS. 

Betty. But why ? 

Alice. At least I have my self-respect left. 

Beti'y. Your self-respect ? 

Alice. That's what I said. 

Betty. What did he do ? He was always so 
devoted. 

Alice. That just makes it worse. To think of his 
turning his attention in another direction. 

Betty, {aghast) He never did that. 

Alice. He deliberately threw me over for anothar 
girl. Hateful old thing ; if I could just get hold of 
her. 

Betty. Another girl ? 

Alice, (sobbing) Did I ask for his attentions ? 
Did I ask for his old ring ? {rising) Did I ever run 
after him ? 

Betty. He was just crazy about you ; he told me 
so himself. 

Alice. Wasn't he always sending me something, 
or taking me somewhere ? Just having a fit if I looked 
at any other man ; and then he fell in love with another 
girl. 

Betty. I cannot believe it. Are you sure ? 

Alice, {sitting) Sure ? Indeed I am. Last year 
when he went to Boston " on business," Ethel Foster 
saw him at Narragansett Pier. 

Betty. At Narragansett Pier ? 

Alice. Yes. She doesn't know him to speak to, 
only by sight, but said she couldn't be mistaken, she'd 
know Dick anywhere, and, Betty, he was with some 
girl all the time, rode with her, danced with her, 
walked with her, played tennis with her, and taught 
her to swim. The dear timid little thing couldn't 
swim ! Why, Bet, she probably knew how just as well 
as he did ! 

Betty. For goodness' sake ! 

Alice. Well, you know what a gossip that Foster 
thing is, and not any too particular about the truth, so 
I just laughed. She was perfectly furious then, of 



THE TWO DICKS. 11 

course, and she said : Oh, I know you don't beHcve 
me, but the hotel register wouldn't he, so I just looked 
at it and there was his signature, " D. Jerome, of Pitts- 
burg." He didn't even want people to know where 
he was from. 

Betty. How strange. 

Alice. And then she showed me a snap-shot she 
took of them sitting on a rock. Oh, they didn't know 
she took it. They thought they were quite alone, you 
could see that by the picture. 

Betty. It was Dick ? 

Alice. Oh, it was Dick all right, [cries on arm of 
chair) 

Betty, {putting her arm around Alice) Never 
mind, dear, it will come out all right, he will be able 
to explain 

Alice, {sitting up and wiping eyes') Oh, he couldn't. 

Betty, {sitting on arm of chair at right of table, 
and speaking in the experienced tone of one five years 
married) My dear, men can explain anything. 

Alice. Well, he couldn't. 

Betty. Have you seen whether he can ? 

Alii„e. Yes. I didn't see that Foster thing till 
about a month ago, so I didn't know anything about it. 

Betty. But Dick, was he just the same ? 

Alice, {nods) Yes. 

Betty, {rising) Oh, then there is some mistake. 

Alice. I asked him how he liked Narragansett and 
he said he had never been there. 

Betty, {pausing at table) He did ? 

Alice. {passionately) Betty, I could have for- 
given him, even up to that time, for you know what 
summer flirtations are, but he lied to me. I showed 
him the picture on the rock. Why, I'd have even 
overlooked that, if he had said it was only a summer 
afTair, and assured me he still cared for me. 

Betty. But he didn't ? 

Alice, {wearily) Oh, he said over again the things 
he had said on every visit, insisted I was the only girl, 



12 THE TWO DICKS. 

but he absolutely refused to confess, and declared he 
had never been there, or that he had ever seen such 
a girl. 

Betty. Why, he was absolutely brazen ! 

Alice. Of course I got angry, and told him not to 
think I was so easily imposed on, and gave him one 
more chance to tell the truth, and then he said I was 
only trying to quarrel with him, and he got perfectly 
furious, and he just shouted that he'd never been near 
the place, and (sods) that if I didn't believe him, I 
knew what I could do. 

Betty. Why, he's a perfect wretch, Alice. 

Alice, {soblnng) And then, Betty, he got up and 
grabbed his hat, and a picture fell out of his pocket. 
I got to it before he could, and, Betty, it was the same 
girl. 

Betty. What ! the one at the Pier ? (Alice nods) 
And he was carrying it around with him ? (Alice nods) 
Why, hanging is too good for him. 

Alice. It was signed 

Beety. Signed ? 

Alice, {rising) " To my dear Dick, from Marie." 
I always did hate the name of Marie. 

Betty. I wouldn't think of 

Alice. (drying eyes and walking jip and down) 
Not that I care about him ; why, I never want to see 
him again. 

Betty, {following her) You poor dear. 

Alice. Of course I have put him right out of my 
mind. I haven't even thought of him once. 

Betty. I should think not, he doesn't deserve a 
thought. 

Alice. But when I think of how nice he is — was, 
and so good-looking, and all the girls envied me ; for 
you know they all wanted him, why, I — I {cries) 

Betty, {embracing her) You poor darling. Well, 
when you picked up the picture, what then ? 

Alice. When I saw her old face, Betty, I just 



THE TWO DICKS. 13 

wanted to die, and I just threw the picture at him, and 
my ring after it, and told him to get to his Marie as 
fast as he could, and then 1 showed him the snapshot. 

Betty. What on earth did he say ? 

Alice. Still denied that he knew her, and tried to 
tell me the picture was sent to him. 

Betty. Of course it was sent to him, she sent it. 
My dear, you were lucky to have found him out. 

Alice. Oh, no I wasn't, for I loved — loved him, 

Betty. Did he go then ? 

Alice. I told him I never wanted to see him again, 
and then he went, and oh, Betty, how he slammed the 
front door, just banged it. 

Betty. {loftily) See what a temper he has ? 
Always beware of a man that slams doors, {a door 
ba?igs with great violence off stage) Why, what's that ? 

Miles, {off stage) It's a wonder you don't have 
every door locked; a man can't get in anywhere but 
through a window, {door slams) 

Betty. {hurriedly) How the wind bangs that 
door. Won't you come up to your room, dearie ? 

Alice, {rising and gathering tip her wraps) I'm a 
sight. 

Betty, {leading her off) Come and bathe your 
eyes, and don't worry about it, some of your friends 
will 

Alice, {turtiing o?i her angrily') If any of my friends 
interfere, I will never forgive them, and if any one in 
a mistaken idea of friendship, and of " bringing us 
together," ever invites us both to the same party or 
house, especially house, I'll never speak to that person 
again as long as I live; and I don't care if she is the 
best friend I have. He would think I wanted to make 
it up, and I will not be humiliated by such a meeting. 

Betty. {who has been vainly trying to ititerrupt) 
But Alice, I didn't know, and he's com 

Alice, {unheeding) I simply cannot bear to hear 
his name, much less the thought of seeing him. 



14 THE TWO DICKS. 

{Exit L. u. E.) 

Betty. But Alice {nifts to door), he's coming — Oh, 
dear, what shall I do now ? 

Exit L. u. E. Enter Miles r. u. e. 

Miles, {taking pipe from table and filling it) That 
confounded door is always locked, who'd take anything 
here ? {clock strikes) Hello, what time is that ? Dick's 
train will be in in half an hour. We're certainly in a 
heap of trouble with Alice coming too. {Sits on daven- 
port and reflects) Poor Dick. It's the chance of his 
life to make it up. {Lights pipe) That's a bully idea, 
Betty and I will play the role of peace-makers, and 
Alice will be willing enough to make up, I'll be bound. 
That's it, we'll patch it up for them. 

{Enter Betty at left.) 

Miles, {turning) Say, Betty, isn't it good I invited 
Dick ? 

Betty, {coming forward) I should think it isn't. 
Alice has broken her engagement. 

Miles. I know it, and we'll fix it up for them. 

Betty, {sitting at desk) Do you think I'll have 
him here? Don't say a word. He lied to her about 
his trip to Boston last summer, said he was going on 
business. 

Miles. He did. 

Betty. He didn't. He went to Narragansett 
instead, and was with another girl all the time. 

Miles, Oh, come on. 

Betty. Alice found it out, and she said she never 
wanted to see him again. 

Miles. Bosh ! 

Betty. It isn't bosh. She has turned right against 
him. 

Miles, {puffing) She'll fall into his arms on sight. 

Betty, {rising) She won't. That's the way with 
men, they think a woman will forgive anything. Well, 



THE TWO DICKS. ir> 

they are mistaken. He's a wicked, deceitful thing, and 
you'll have to keep him from coming. 

Miles, {^sitting up) You're crazy, I can't. His 
train is due in fifteen minutes. 

Betty, {commandingly Put on your coat and drive 
to the station. 

Miles, {risifig) I won't. 

Betty. You must. 

Miles. Now look here. You've bossed the job for 
five mortal years, now the worm turns. If you think 
I'll go to the station and turn Dick back after he has 
been asked out, you're mistaken ; I won't do it. Do 
you think I'll let him go back to the city dinnerless, 
on a cold night like this, after he has come so far, and 
all for a silly girl who doesn't know enough not to play 
with her own happiness and his ? 

Betty, (jvho has been pacing the floor impatiently 
after a vain effort to interrupt hint) Miles, you are 
wasting precious time. 

Miles. Can't help it. Send Alice home. 

Betty. I can't. Besides what could I tell her? 

Miles. Tell her? Tell her anything. That I'm 
sick. That's it. I've come down with the mumps. 
Sure, the mumps. Why I can feel 'em now. {^Feeh 
throat^ Gee, I'm sick. {Sinks on davenport with a 
grin) 

Betty. Oh, you're so absurd. I can't ask her to 

go- 

Miles, {rising) Let her stay. 

Beity. But Dick ? 

Miles, {firmly) He's coming. 

Betty, {wringing her hands) What shall I do ? 
Miles, what makes you so stubborn ? Alice will never 
forgive me, never. She said that if anyone tried to 
bring them together, she'd never forgive it, and after 
what he did you can't blame her. {plaintively) And 
she and I have been lifelong friends. She was my 
honor maid at our wedding, don't you remember? 



16 THE TWO DICKS. 

Miles. And Dick was my best man, and he's my 
best friend. We went to Prep, school and to college 
together, we were Frat. brothers, and room-mates, and 
then you ask me to do this trick. All the girls on 
earth aren't worth it. His time is valuable, do you 
think I'll let him waste it by a useless journey ? He'd 
never forgive me. 

Betty, {slamming down a book on table for empha- 
sis) Well, he can't come here {Bell rings^ Miles 
whistles) 

Betty. Now who's that ? 

{Enter A.^'i^xfrom L. u. e.) 

Anna. Mr. Jerome has come, {exit) 

Betty. Oh, dear, what shall we do ? {to Miles, 
who is whistling very loudly) Oh, why don't you sug- 
gest something ? This trouble is all your fault, {sobs 
a little) 

Miles, {seeing that it is a serious matter with her, 
stops whistling, and reflects. After a pause) Keep 
them apart. The house is large enough. 

Betty. It can't be done. 

Miles. Oh, yes it can. Not indefinitely of course, 
but I'll go back to town on that eight o'clock train, — on 
business of course, what would we do without business 
for an excuse, and he'll go back with me. B-e-a-u-t-i- 
f-u-1 ! {walks to fire) 

Betty. It will never work, but we've got to try 
something. {Efiter Dick l. u. e.) Hello, old man. 

Miles, {shaking hands) Hello, get tired waiting ? 

Dick. My no, just heard you talking. Ah, Mrs. 
Lambert. 

Betty, {shaking hands) I'm so glad to see you. 

Dick. It was bully of you to ask me down here for 
Christmas. 

Betty. Oh, the pleasure is ours, I assure you 
{Miles grins) 



THE TWO DICKS. 17 

Betty, (aside) Stop that. (Dick goes fo fire and 
begins to warm hands) 

Miles, {saunters to L. u. e. looks out and returning 
hastily to Betty who is standing at right of table, speaks 
aside) Here comes Alice. 

Betty. He mustn't see her. 

Miles, (taking Dick by the arm) Come on to your 
room. 

Dick. Oh, I'll just stay here — (Miles drags him to 
centre) I say, I'm cold, wait till I warm my hands. 
(Betty, who is at l. u. e. signals to Miles). 

Miles, (desperately, and dragging Dick to r. u. e.) 
Come to your room, its colder there, that will warm 
you up. Exit dragging Dick, who continues to protest) 
(Enter Alice, l. u. e.) (Betty crosses hastily to desk) 

Alice. Who was here ? 

Betty. Miles. 

Alice. (cojni?ig to table) No one else ? 

Betty, (in confusion) Why do you ask ? 

Alice. I thought I heard two men talking, {sus- 
piciously) Did you ask any one else ? 

Betty, (zvalking to fire) Did 1 ? No. 

Alice. Some one come unexpectedly ? 

Betty. Why, er — Miles was talking to me. 

Alice, (following her to fire) No one else. (Betty 
is silent) Why did he run out like that. 

Betty, (more and more confused, atid walking to 
7vindo7ii) To dress. See how it is snowing. 

Alice, (following her) But he is dressed. What 
are you trying to tell me ? 

Betty. Oh, nothing, (bell rings) 

Betty, (hurriedly) Why, who can that be, in all 
this storm ? (calls) Anna, Anna. 

Alice, (taking her ami) Now tell me who is here. 
(Enter Anna, zvith card on salver l. u. e.) Anna. 
The young lady is in the drawing-room. 

Betty, (reading) Miss Marie Brooks, (exit Anna) 
My dear, Marie Brooks, She's from Pittsburg, and a 



18 THE TWO DICKS. 

perfect darling, and she is visiting her aunt, Mrs. 

Andrews in New York. 

Alice {crossing to tab/e) I ha\en't met her. 
Betty. Oh, I know you will like her. {Exit L. u. E.) 
Alice, {after ivauhing Betty go off, turns to l. u. e. 

also^ but as though changing her mind, starts offK. u. e. 

Seems very suspicious, and ofi exit) Dick ! Could it 

have been — ? exit r.) 

{Enter Betty showing in Marie, at l. u. e.) 

Betty. Sit right down by the fire, you must be 
simply frozen. 

Marie, {sitting at fire) I am. 

Betty, {sitting in chair by fire) You say you were 
on your way to Havens' house-party, but how on earth 
did you happen to drive ? 

Marie. I was late as usual, missed my train, so 
had to drive. It was so stupid of me, but 1 never 
dreamed it was so far. 

Betty. How was that ? 

Marie. The man at the station said it wasn't. 

Betty. Why, it's five miles from here. 

Marie. I know it, but when I first saw the lights 
of your house, I thought it was the Havens'. Well, I 
was so cold and tired, I simply couldn't go on till I 
rested, so I came in. 

Betty. You can't go to-night ; it's storming hard 
now. We haven't a house-party, only two guests, and 
have plenty of room, so you just make yourself comfy, 
and we'll drive you over in the morning. {Enter Anna, 
L. u. E. with a coat on her arm, and carrying a bag) 
Anna, take Miss Brooks' bag to the room at the head 
of the stairs, and see that the room is warm, {exit 
Anna) Alice Sinclair is with me. 

Marie. I believe I've heard of her. I can't thank 
you enough, Betty. 

Betty. Don't try, and I know you will just love 
Alice. {Enter Alice r. u. e.) 



THE TWO DICKS. 19 

Betty, {risvig) Oh, Alice, I want you to meet 
Miss Brooks, Miss Sinclair, Marie. Miss Brooks is 
going to join our little party, won't it be lovely ? {see- 
iiig the girls eying eac/i other with a frozen stare) Why, 
what is it ? Alice 

Alice. {zcith a start) Oh, — er, glad to meet 
you 

Betty. {To Marie) Why, Marie! What is it ? 
Have you met before .>" 

Alice ^;?// Marie. We certainly have! 

Alice, {tjinck/y) Well, no, no we've never met be- 
fore. 

Marie, {recovering herself). Oh, no, never had the 
pleasure. 

Alice, {icily) Pardon me, please. {Exit swiftly 
l. u. e.) 

Betty, {astonished) What extraordinary behavior ! 
1 thought you had never met. (returns to c.) 

Marie. We never have, but I have seen a picture 
of her. 

Betty. A picture ? {sits at table on left). 

Marie, {sitting on davenport) That's all, but I 
can't see how that affects her, she acted as though I 
was a bitter enemy. 

Betty. Well, so did you, and if you have only 
seen her picture 

Marie. Oh, it was a very charming one, I'll admit, 
but I — Well, it wasn't where it should have been. 

Betty. What do you mean ? 

Marie, {after a pause) I'll tell you, though I 
haven't breathed it to anyone else. My fianc<^ carried 
it in his pocket just a little too long, and one night it 
fell out and 1 saw it. 

Betty. { pacing floor) What a coincidence. 

Marie, {a trifle coldly) A coincidence ? I fail to 
see 

Betty, {stopping) I beg your pardon, and what 
then? 



20 THE TWO DICKS. 

Marie, {quietly) I broke my engagement. 
Betty, (crossing to c.) There is some mistake. 
Marie, (risir/g) There is no mistake. {ang?-ily) 
I'd know her face anywhere, the CAT. 

(Betty, after a startled look at her, walks to chest and 

. sits on it. E7iterA'iin\,'L.\j.^.withalioxofJIowers 

which she arranges in a vase on the table at back C.) 

Marie, {toying with candlesticks on mantel) I really 
think I should be getting to Havens', {to Anna) 
Will you ask the driver to step here, please. 

Anna, {turning to her) The driver, miss? He's 
gone. 

Marie. Gone ? 

Anna. Yes, long ago, miss. He thought this was 
the place you wanted. {Ma^ik gives a gesture of ivipatt- 
ence) . 

Betty, {arousing from her reverie a?id coming up 
stage) How foolish, Marie, to think of going, on a 
night like this. Let Anna show you to your room, 
and 

Marie, {sharply) But I can't stay with that girl 
here. 

Betty. What nonsense ; that will be all right. 
You are mistaken, that's all. Let Anna take you up- 
stairs. 

Marie, {gathering up her wraps) It's plain I can't 
go without a carriage, so I'll intrude a little while longer. 
{Exit L. u. E.) 

Anna. The room at the head of the stairs, wasn't 
it, Madam ? 

Betty, {sitting on davenport) Yes {Exit Anna, 
L. u. E.) This is very queer. {Enter Alice r. u. e.) 

Alice, {after looking aivuyid cautiously a?td coming 
to table) Where is that Brooks. 

Betty, {rising and speaking in a horrified tone) 
Why, Alice, what ails you ? You were positively im- 
polite to Miss Brooks, and now — - — {comes to table). 



THE TWO DICKS. 21 

Alice, {sitting::; at right of table) I don't care. 

Betty. But what has slie done to you, if you haven't 
met before 

Alice. {tearfn/Iy) Betty, she's the girl Dick was 
with at Narragansett. 

Betty, (ag/iast) Are you sure ? 

Alice, {spitefully) Do you think I'd be mistaken 
in that face, when 1 wake up in the night, and see her 
— on the rock ? 

Betty, {sitting at left) Tliere must be some mis- 
take — but you would not both be mistaken. She said 
she had seen your picture 

Alice. Oh, I dare say she has. 

Betty. But she quarreled with her fian — {aside) 
I'd better keep that quiet, {aloud) Do be nice to 
her, for it will spoil everything and she's going early 
in the morning. 

Alice. {rising) I'll try, dearie. I know I 
shouldn't have acted so, but when I saw her hateful 
old face, after seeing it even when I wake up in the 
night — {hastily) not that I ever think of Dick 

Betty, {concealing a smile) Of course not. I 
can't tell you how sorry I am that this has happened, 
and that she of all people should stop here, but I had 
to urge her to stay. 

Alice. Of course you did. {going to l. u. e.) I'm 
going to my room. {Yi^iiY follows her to L. u. E. and 
Alice exits. Betty starts to c. but on Miles, offstage 
rrt///;/^ " Oh, Betty," she stops short, and a horrified 
expression comes over her face.) 

Betty, {mentally) Miles, and DICK? DICK'S 
here and Alice, and Marie, {etiters Miles r. u. e. She 
runs to him and seizes his arm) Miles, it's worse and 
worse. 

Miles, {surprised) What is ? 

Betty. \in a tragic tone) Marie Brooks is here. 

Miles, {taking out a cigarette as he comes up stage) 
Hooray for Marie, who's she ? 



22 THE TWO DICKS. 

Betty. Oh, how dense men are ! 

Miles, {pausifig i?i the act of lighting the cigarette) 
Well, I like that. Why ? 

Betty. Can't you understand, Marie Brooks. 

Miles, {impatiently) Who is she ? 

Betty, (/;/ a patient tone) She is from Pittsburg, 
and she was on her way to Havens' party, and it was 
ton cold — for her to go on, and so 

Miles. Too cold 

Betty, {impatiently) Yes, for her to drive any 
further 

Miles. Driving, what for ? 

Betty, {wearily) To get to Havens'. 

Miles, {tricking up newspaper fj-om table and cross- 
ing to davenport) What's the matter with the train ? 
Too plebeian ? 

Betty, {wearily) She missed the train, {gro2vs 
more excited aiid ends with increased volume of tone and 
speed) and had to drive, and it stormed so hard, and 
was too far, and so stopped here, and she's here, now 
and she won't go until morning. 

Miles, {calmly, sitting doiun on the davenport, and 
beginning to read paper) Well, suppose she is, we've 
got lots of room. 

Betty, {wrifiging her hands) But there's Alice — 
they're both here. 

Miles, {frofn behind the paper) Well, if Alice is 
here, and this Miss Snooks is here, it is clearly obvious 
that they are both here. You don't have to figure that 
out by Algebra, {puts down paper and counts on fin- 
gers) Take one person in a place, add another to her, 
and you get two people, Miss Snooks 

Betty. Oh, Brooks, not Snooks ! 

Miles, {behind the paper) All the same. 

Betty, {coming to the table) Miles Lambert, you're 
a silly thing. Alice and Marie don't like each other. 

Miles, {lookitig over paper) Eh ? 

Betty. They say they've never met before, 
but 



THE TWO DICKS. 23 

Miles, {behind papet-^ Case of hate at first sight. 

Betty. They are rivals. 

Miles, {throwi/ig dotvn paper) Oh, this is rich ! 

Betty. It is awful, you mean. They just hate 
each other, and in the same house too. 

Miles. Nice for you. Where do I come in trag- 
edy, seconds, or referee ? Who are they fighting over ? 

Betty. Dick Jerome. 

Miles, {rolling on davenport) Oh, Lord, Oh, Lord, 

Betty. She's the girl he and Alice quarreled over. 

Miles, {sitting up) Who, Snooks .'^ (Betty nods) 
Oh, ye little fishes, and Dick here I 

Betty. He's got to go. If you had listened to me 
in the first place this wouldn't have happened. We 
can't possibly keep him from seeing at least one of 
them, or they from seeing him. 

Miles, {walking) What a meeting. I'd give a 
twenty-dollar note to see it. 

Betty, {returning to C.) Miles, my social reputation 
is at stake. Such a thing is impossible. He MUST 
go, and at once, for my sake he must go. 

Miles. For his ^ww sake he must go. Great good- 
ness^ a poor defenseless man, between two jealous 
women. 

Betty, {walking to r. u. e.) You spoke of catching 
the train back 

Miles. We can't wait for dinner, for that eight 
o'clock isn't running to-night ; but what's dinner in the 
face of a thing like this ? 

Betty. ( looking off r. u. e.) Here comes Dick. 
{Comes to c.) Now remember, he must go, and you 
won't have any too much time. {Exit l. u. e.) 

Miles, {pacing fioor) Now for the " doity woik.'' 

{Enter Dick r. u. e.) 

Dick, {settling his dinner coat) Hello, all dressed ? 
Miles, {gloomily, and pacing floor) Looks like it. 
Dick, {looking at htjn in surprise, and taking a box 
of cigarettes from his pocket) Have a cigarette ? 



24 THE TWO DICKS. 

Miles, {taking one) Don't mind if I do. Get a 
match ? Dick hands him one, and ajter trying several 
times to light it, throws it in the fire in disgust) That 
match is no good. 

Dick, {pausing in the act of lighting his cigarette) 
That's queer, it was all right when I used it this morn- 
ing, {grins, and sits at right of table) 

Miles, {greatly disgusiea) Did you just hear that 
one ? 

Dick. {leaning back and pnfing) I thought it 
would be new to you. {Ww.^^ makes a gesture of dis- 
gust, and again paces floor) 

Dick. Who do you think I saw on the train going 
over to Chicago, last week ? 

Miles, {pacing floor) I don't know. 

Dick, {enthusiastically) Chubbie Chalmers ! 

Miles, {evincing an interest for the first time, and 
stopping) No 1 

Dick. Yep. 

Miles. What's he doing now ? 

Dick. He's got a peach of a job with the Malleable 
Iron Works, manager of the Kansas City branch. 

Miles. Good for Chubbie. Is he as thin as he 
used to be ? 

Dick. Wasn't that kid a perfect rail ? 

Miles, {sitting at left of tabic) No wonder, look 
at the way he studied. 

Dick. I should hope he did. 

Miles. He was the only " grind" I ever liked. 

Dick. That fellow was a wonder. He'd study all 
night, get perfect in everything, and play the greatest 
game of football the next day, and say, weren't some 
of his dinners the hummers ? 

Miles. I can taste 'em yet. 

Dick. He and I were talking over old times. He 
ran over to the college, early in the fall, just to be 
there for the Robin initiation. He said some of the 
public stunts were pretty good, but they could not 
compare with the ones we put him through. 



THE TWO DICKS. 25 

Miles, {greatly tickled) Weren't they great? I 
thought I'd die the night we took Chub to every 
theater in town, and put him down in the front row, 
while we stood at the back to await developments. 

Dick, (after a preliminary chuckle) And the way 
he got up and yelled, right in the best part of the 
play, " This show is bum, and I want my money 
back." And then a couple of ushers would skate 
down the isle, and throw him out. {laughs) 

Miles. We'd be outside, waiting to pick him up 
as he came hurtling through the doors, and take him 
to the next theater. {Both roar) 

Dick. But the killer, was the day we made him 
dance down Main Street, long, lean, lank, Chubbie, 
{rises) saying in a loud and penetrating voice, after 
every third hop, " I'm a fool." {illustrates by putting 
feet together and hopping fortvard three hops) "I'm 
a fool {hop) " I'M a fool ! 

Miles. . And we on the other side of the street in 
convulsions. 

(Miles leans back in chair, and T>ic.v. falls into his, both 
overcoTtie with laughter.) 

Dick, {sitting up and trying to control voice) And 
the day we took him to see Alice, {the smile fades 
from Miles' face, and he sits up, muttering " Alice ") 
and made him propose by writing it on a slate. 

Miles, (rising) By Jove, {paces floor) 

Dick, {surprised) What's the matter? 

Miles, {stopping) Why I — I 

Dick. You what ? 

Miles, {pacing) I'd forgotten all about it. 

Dick. Forgotten what ? What ails you ? 

Miles, {comifig to table) Well — you see 

Dick, (surprised) Yes ? 



Miles. Well, er, — that is, we've got — I've got- 



DiCK. What are you getting at ? (aside) He acts 
queer, {aloud) What's up ? 

Miles. Well, you see, — er, we, well, the fact is, 
we're pretty full here. 



26 THE TWO DICKS. 

Dick. Well, you certainly are, I haven't seen the 
rest. 

Miles. Haven't had a drop. I've got to go back 
to town. Awfully sorr}'^, but I must. Business, you 
know, and that's a good excuse, only you know how 
good. 

Dick, {going to witidow, and turning to look at 
him) I ? 

Miles. So I'm going back to town to-night. 

Dick, {returning to c) When did you hear ? 

Miles. {walki?ig to fire) Just now. 6.30 the train 
goes. 

Dick, {openifig book at table) Is that the only one. 

Miles. It is. Are you coming with me ? 

Dick, {astonished, and droppiiig book on table) Why, 
I don't know. (Miles looks greatly disturbed, and 
st?-okes chin) I hadn't thought about "it. I suppose so. 

Miles, {lookifig relieved) Of course, I hate to 
drag you out again in all this snow, but it will be 
rather dull here without me, and then Ali — {hastily) 
We'd better get ready. 

Dick. But what business can you have, to-morrow 
is Christmas. 

Miles. That's so — er — well, I'm going anyway. 
{starts off\.. u. E.) 

Dick, {in a resigned voice) All right, I'll get my 
coat, {starts offv^. u. E.) 

Miles. Hurry up, we haven't much time. {Exit 
L. u. e.) 

Dick, {grumbling) I'll be hanged if I like the idea 
of going out in all this snow again, and he's had a 
drop too much, acted queer when I came. {Exit 
R. u. e.) 

{Re-enter Miles, carrying a bag, and followed by Betty, 
at L. u. e.) 

Miles, {setting doivn the bag) It's all right, he's 
going. 



II 



THE two DICKS. 27 

Betty. It would be the death of me, if he didn't. 
But, Miles, you have got to go. 

Miles. It's the only way, and I'll be back on that 
eight o'clock train in the morning. 

Betty, {sitting at table) I'll drive over and get 
you, Alice and I. 

Miles. (ang7-ily) Don't mention her to me. I 
wish I'd never seen her. If I hadn't I wouldn't have 
to stagger to the station with Dick under my arm, as 
it were. Where are my rubbers ? {Exit l. u. e.) 

Betty. Don't be so cross, Miles, {sits back in 
c/iair) 

{Efiter Dick r. u. e. wearing a coat, and carrying a hat, 
and suit-case fnarked D. j.) 

Dick, {putting bag on floor, and hat oti centre table) 
Oh, Mrs. Lambert awfully sorry to leave you like this. 

Betty. And before dinner too. 

Dick. That's what I call rubbing it in. (Betty 
laughs) But I must go with Miles, he'll need me if he 
takes much more. 

Betty. I beg your pardon — ? 

Dick, {confused) Oh, yes, er, what was I saying — 
er — hope to get out again, {heaves a sigh of relief ) 

Betty, {pacing floor and looking at clock ofi mantel) 
Why doesn't he hurry, he'll be late. 

{Enter Miles, wearing a coat, and carrying a hat) 

Miles, {kissing Betty) Good-bye, dear, {picks 
up bag, and starts oflF left) Come on, Dick. (Dick 
icks up hat and bag, and both start off left. As Miles 
reaches door, clock strikes off stage) 

Miles, {dropping bag) What time is that ? 

Dick, {corning to c.) 6.30. 

Miles. You're crazy. 

Dick, {looking at clock) It is. That clock says 
6.25. 

Betty. That's fast. 



28 THE TWO DICKS. 

Miles. Tke hall clock is right. 

Dick. Well, that struck the half hour. 

Miles. I'll see what time it really is. {Exit left) 
(Betty is uticasy, and Dick, very complacetit, places suit- 
case in portieres at R. u. e. a7id hat on rack by window) 

Miles, {entering) We are too late. It is too late. 
It is 6.30. 

Betty, {sinking into chair at desk) Oh, what shall 
we do ? 

Dick, {much sntprised) Was it so important ? 

Miles and Betty. I should think so. 

Miles. What a chump I am. 

Betty. There's no other train ? 

Miles. No. 

Dick. But your date. 

Miles. • Will have to go hang, {enlarging ofi a sto7y) 
Of course he'll be waiting, 

Betty, {innocently, and rising) Who, Miles ? 

Miles. sig?ialing for her to keep quiet) My man, 
my man. (Dick saunters to fire, and Betty compre- 
hending, zvalks to window, looks out L. u. E. and returns 
swiftly to Miles, a?id speaks in an undertone) Quick, 
here comes Marie. He must not see /;^r. {she returns 
to L. u. E. and displays great agitation during what fol- 
lows, turning to see if Marie enters. Signals to Miles 
to hurty, etc.) 

Miles, {grabbing Dick's arm) Come on. 

Dick. What's your hurry, you can't catch that train 
now. {begins removing coat) I'll just sit down and — 

Miles, {seizing his arm) Oh, no you wont, {drags 
him to R. D. E.) Come on. 

Dick, {resisting) Where ? 
.Miles. To see 

Dick. See what ? Betty sig?ials frantically that 
Marie is coming) 

Miles, {in desperation) The cat, the cat. See, 
{points) Come, kitty, {pushes Dick between the cur- 
tains) 



% 



THE TWO DICKS. ^ 

Dick, {trying io get out again) Didn't know you 
had a cat. 

Miles. (/>nshifig Imn out) Neither did I, but she'.s 
just come. {Exit both, r. u. e.) (Betty sinks ex- 
hausted on chest as Miles ana Dick exit. 

CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 

(Scene the same. Betty just reviving. Marie enters 
ijnmediately on rise of the curtain from L. u. E. 

Marie. Why, Betty, what's wrong ? You look quite 
done out. 

Betty, {risifig weak/y) I'm all right, just a little 
tired, {she looks uneasily ofix. u. E. and sits at right 
of table) 

Marie, {sitting at left of table) This Christmas 
shopping does for every one. 

Betty {eagerly) Yes, it does. 

Marie. My room is lovely. Really, Betty, your 
house is beautiful. So large, you know. Why one 
could have some one else here without any one know- 
ing it. 

Betty, {in a tone of horrified surprise) WHAT? 

Marie, {much surprised) Yes, two parties, or 
something. The den and all is arranged so. 

Betty, {faintly) Oh, yes, of course, of course. 
Fortunately. 

Marie, {laughing) About Miss Sinclair you mean. 
But really, Betty, I can't forgive her ; she's cat that's 
all. I know she's your friend, but I can't. Such a 
flirt, and she engaged. 

Betty, {astonished) Engaged. Why you broke — 
{Enter Miles at right, wiping brow with handkerchief) 



80 THE TWO DiCKS. 

Betty, {rising and going to him, and speaking aside) 
Where is Dick? 

Miles, {aside) Looking for the CAT. Now re- 
member, we've got a white angora. White. Don't 
slip up on the color, I did just now, and we've got 
enough to explain, without any answers about a cat, 
what ain't. 

Marie. {turning) Oh, Mr. Lambert. A cat ? 
{rises and goes to him) Let me see it, I just dote on 
cats. 

Betty, {hoiking appealingly at Miles) Why, er — 
er — 

Miles, {moping brow) Why — er — Dick — I can't 
find him, been looking all over. 

Betty. Yes, he's disappeared. 

Marie. Oh, let me look. (Miles and Betty look 
amazed) I'll find him if he's in the house. {Exit 
R. u. E.) 

Miles, {sinking ifito chair at desk with a groan) 
" If he's in the house ? " Eh ? You bet she'll find 
him. They're both looking. 

Betty. How can we find a cat that doesn't exist ? 

Miles, {walking to fire) Him, I said, not the cat, 
Dick. (Betty makes a desperate gesture) 

Miles, {looking at sign on mantei) Merry Christ- 
mas. There's a hollow mockery all right. Merry 
Christmas. 

Betty. We must go after Marie. If she sees Dick, 
all will be lost. 

Miles. And if he is discovered, we are lost. And 
there's Alice, where is she ? 

Betty. In her room. 

Miles. Let's hope she stays there. 

{Enter Marie r. u. e.) 

Marie. I can't find that cat, either. Are you sure 
he was in the house ? 

Betty. No — er — well 



THE TWO DICKS. 31 

Miles, {firmly) I'm not sure when I saw him 
last, but you can't lose a yellow 

Betty. {hastily) White, white. {Sits at desk) 

Miles. {grinning feebly) Oh, surely white. 
{Hastily) I've heard a lot about you. Miss Brooks. 

Marie, {walking to R. u. e.) And I about you 
from Mrs. Lambert, principally. 

Miles, {sitting on davenport) Then what I've 
heard is much nicer. 

Marie, {archly) Oh, I don't know about that. 
{Fulling a suit-case from between the curtains) Why, 
here's my suit-case. Oh, no, this is not mine, who's 
is it? 

Miles. Mine. 

Marie, {laughing) Are your initials D. J. ? (Betty 
leans forward aiid looks troubled) 

Miles. Oh, I — borrowed it. 

Marie. How funny, the initials are the same as 
Dick's. 

Betty. [ <'^'rprised) DICK'S ? 
Marie, {after a little pause) Is he here, instead 
of going to Haven's ? 

Betty. [ ^^'"'^^y '"'■p^^'^'^) HAVEN'S ? 

Marie, {sutprised) Yes, to the house-party. How 
dear of you to have him come over for me, such a 
surprise. 

Betty, {rising) Now, Marie, he isn't 

Marie. I know he is, this is his suit-case, I'd know 
it anywhere. He had it at Narragansett. 

Betty. So he WAS 

Miles, {desperately) He isn't — er — that's only an 
old suit-case he left here, and I was going to take it 
with me. 

Marie, {coming to davenport) I never knew you 
were such friends. Why, he never mentioned you at 
all. 



sj the two dicks. 

Miles. You don't say. That's queer, he and I 
have been friends for ages. Sorry you stumbled on 
to the bag; I was going back to the city, but missed 
my train, clock was wrong. {Rise, and strolls to 
K. u. E.) 

Betty, {pickvig up hag) Well, you won't use it 
now, so I'll take it up-stairs again. {Exit L. u. E. with 
bag. Marie sits ofi davetiporf) 

Dick, {appearing at R. u. E.) I say, old man, I 
don't see that cat 

Miles, {pushing Dick ii^to curtains) Sh — sh 

{Enter Betty l. u. e., she pauses aghast.) 

Marie, {hoking around) Oh, Betty (Betty 

comes swiftly forward, and tries to hide the right hand 
door from her vieio by standing in front of her) 

Dick, {in curtains') Oh, I say, Miles, what are you 
doing ? 

{Enter Alice, l. u. e.) 

Miles. {i?i a fierce whispe?-) S — h— s — h 



(Alice tooks surprised and starts for arch) Why, who's 
that ? 

Marie, {dodging V^'kit^ by leaning forward) Who's 
in there ? (Betty tries to keep Alice from advancing 
and at the same time keep Marie from seeing) 

Dick, {struggling in cui-tains) Let me out ! 

Betty, {in desperation) Oh, look, look ! (Marie 
and Alice look to l. i e. where she is poi?iiing, and Betty 
runs to door, pointing) 

Betty. There's that cat, now See! {Mkrie starts 
forward to look, and Alice follows, saying) What 
cat? 

Miles, {in a fierce whiipe?-) Now, you do what I 
tell you. {He pulls coat from rack by door, throivs it 
over the struggling Dick's head, and runs him out 
L. u. E.) 



THE TWO DICKS. 9t 

Alice, {turning) I don't see any cat. Why, who's 
that ? {She runs to L. u. e.) 

(Marie also starts fot-ivard in surprise.) 

Betty, {with great apparent frankness, and walking 
to desk) Oh, a friend of Miles'. 

Alice. (Juming from door) He's just Dick's 
height, — er 

Marie, {surprised) Dick ? How 

Betty, {hurriedly) Nonsense. 

Alice, {crossing to c.) It looked like Dick, 

Marie, {crossing to left center) How do you know ? 
{Hastily) What difference does it make ? 

Alice, {sharply) None to you, lots to me. 

Marie, {laughing sarcastically) None to me ? 
Well, really, this is funny. Why, none to me ? 

Alice. {a7igrily) Funny .'' Why so ? Are you 
after every man engaged or otherwise ? It is some 
friend of Miles, not Dick. {To Betty) Is it ? 

Marie, {angrily) The idea ! What do you know 

about Dick, what right have you (Betty tries in 

vain to interrupt) 

Alice, {still more angrily) What right ? Every 
right, he was mine first, mine before you ever saw him. 
{Exit L. u. E. with head in air) 

Marie. {Jaking a step after her, and then turning to 
Betty) I want to know what this means? 

Anna, {from doorway, l. i e.) Dinner is served, 
madam. 

Betty, {going swiftly to dining-room door) We will 
talk later, Marie, let us have dinner now. {To Anna) 
Tell Mr. Lambert, please. {Exit after stepping back to 
let Marie precede her at L. i E. Exit Anna r. u. e. 
Re-enter Betty. She turns out lights at table and at desk, 
and lights the small light on table at back center, and on 
exit) Shall I ever live to see daylight ? [Exit L. i e.) 

{Bell rings. Efiter Anna from r. u. e. and exit x.. u. e.) 



34 THE TWO DICKS. 

{Re-enter Anna, shotving in Dickenson Jerome. He 
wears a big over-coat and a hat, both well covered 
with sno7(.', and carries a suit-case marked D. J. 
He sets suit-case down, removes hat, and begins to 
shake snow from it.) 

D. J. Is Mr. — er — er — in ? 

Anna. Yes, sir, he's in. Do you wish to see him ? 

D. J. I should like to, if he is not too busy. {Exit 
Anna at right. Dickson goes to Jire and begins to warm 
his hands) 

{Enter Miles at right.) 

D. 3 . {turning) Mr. — er 

Miles. Lambert. Miles Lambert. 

D. J. Mr. Lambert. Quite so. I trust you will 
pardon this intrusion, but I have been compelled to 
stop on account of the storm, and the lights of your 
house looked pretty good, though I didn't know to 
whom they belonged till you told me. 

Miles, {coming to c.) Why, that's all right. No 
one would try to get any further in this storm. 

D. J. Well, I hardly think it will continue all night. 

Miles. Perhaps not, but I think it will. 

D. J. Is that so. What shall I do ? {returns to 
fire but faces Miles). 

Miles, {looking at him keenly, as though sizing him 
up) Better stay here. {He walks to desk and sits). 

D. J. That's awfully nice of you, but you don't 
know who I am. I may be a burglar for all you know. 

Miles, {laughing) I'll risk it ; your appearance is 
with you. 

D. J. {laughing) Thanks, but I think I can set 
your fears at rest if you have any. I am on my 
way to Havens' house-party. Do you know them ? 
(M.\yKS nods) And here's my invitation. {Takes aft 
envelope from pocket a?id gives it to Miles ; he returns it 
after readifig) All right ? 



THE TWO DICKS. 35 

Miles. Well, if they know any burglars, I'm not 
aware of it, so I think your invitation is as good a 
recommend as I know of. 

D.J. {reiierning it to his pocket) I'm glad you think 
so, for it would be me for the station all night, for the 
road is blocked. 

Miles. What's the matter with the train ? 

D. J. {crossing to c. and standing behind table) I 
missed it. You see it's this way, I live in Pittsburg, 
and only ran over for this party, and my train being 
two hours late I missed connections. I thought 1 
could make it all right though, till it began to snow. 

Miles, {rising) Hard luck. Well, take off your 
coat and make yourself at home. I'll see my wife and 
find out what room you can have 

D. J. Now if this is going to inconvenience you 

Miles. Not a bit, we've got lots of room. 

D. J. I'm a thousand times obliged. 

Miles. Don't mention it, glad to do anything for a 
friend of the Havens anyway. Leave your hat on the 
table and come and meet Mrs. Lambert. (D. ].puts 
hat on center table and both start off right) By the way, 
I don't know your name. 

D. J. {producing a card and handing it to Miles) 
Dixon Jerome. 

Miles, {taking card and looking at him keenly) 
Jerome. I know a Jerome mighty well, in fact he's 
here now. No relation I suppose? 

D. J. Why, I have a 

Miles, {suddenly calling off stage at right) Anna, 
{to D. J.) There's the maid, she'll know where my 
wife is. Come on. {Exit both v^.m.y..) {Enter K\aq.^s. 
l. I. E. She goes to table, sees hat, picks it up, and gives 
a sudden start) {Enter Miles at r. u. e. and he starts 
off-L. U.K.) 

Alice, {holding out hat) Who's is this ? 

Miles. I don't know, mine I guess. Where's 
Betty ; I can't find her. 



36 THE TWO DICKS. 

Alice. Are your initials D. J. ? 

Miles, {raising his eyes to heaven) Oh 1 Well 
no. 

Alice. {Jurionsiy) Oh, if Dick has been invited 
here — Isn't this his hat? 

Miles. Er — Where's Betty ? 

Alice. Isti't this his hat ? 

Miles. It is. {Al.lc^R gasps) An old one. 

Alice. Is doesn't look old. 

Miles. No. {catching himself) Oh, but it is. 
(Miles ivalks to desik.) 

Alice. { following to table) The price mark is still 
in it. 

Miles, {taking a cigarette from smoking set anil light- 
ing it to hide his agitation) He — left it here, {he 
ivalks to fire.) 

Alice, {putting hat on center table) I didn't see 
this before. 

Miles, {sitting on davenport) I guess you didn't 
— er Oh, yes you did, you didn't notice it. 

{Enter Betty and Marie, at l. i. e.) (Betty walks 
to right center Alice atsightofM.AKiY., turns hast- 
ily and looks out of window.) 

Marie, {going to center table, seeing hat and picking 
up hat) D. J. ? Who's this D. J. ? Why Betty, you 
said 

Alice. {7aho has turned at tnetition of initials, comes 
qtiickly forward, and snatches hat from Marie, and slams 
it dowfi on table) Oh, never mind. 

Marie, {glaring at her and then turning to Betty) 
I know this hat, I'd know it anywhere. 

Alice. Why ? 

Marie, {turning to her and speaki?ig in a superior 
tone) It has hung on our hat-rack often enough. 

Alice. 1 don't believe it. 

Betty. ( steppifig forward) Alice. 

Alice, {defiantly) I don't believe it. 



THE TWO DICKS. 37 

Marie. He always wears the same make of hat, 
always. 

Alice, {cingrily) That, or anything like it, never 
hung on your hat-rack. 

Betty, [signaling to Miles to agree with her) It's 
your hat, isn't it Miles ? 

Miles, {puffing at cigarette^ No, it's Dick's. 

Betty. ( crossing to desk and speaking in a horrified 
tone) MILES I 

Alice and Marie in chorus. (Marie turning to 
Miles and Alice to Betty) Then he IS here ? {Both 
girls turn angrily on each other.) 

Miles. I never said so. 

Alice, {to Betty) I know he is here, I must see 
him. 

Marie, /must see him. 

Alice, {turning to her) I should like to know why 
you should see him. 

Marie, {loftily) I'm engaged to him. (Miles 
and Betty looks amazed). 

Alice. WHAT ! 

Marie, {holding out hand) Here's my ring. The 
engagement is broken 

Alice. Ah 

Marie. But he refused to take back the ring. 

Alice. I was engaged to him myself. 

Marie. I don't believe that. 

Alice, {loftily) I gave my ring back, possibly you 
have it. {tries to take Marie's hand, but she snatches it 
away and steps to right c.) 

Marie, {icily) Indeed, I've been engaged to him 
ever since last August. 

Alice. (/// a tragic tone and turnitig back on audi- 
ence) Narragansett ! 

Marie. Why, how did you know ? 

Betty. Then you ARE the girl. 

Alice, {turning) I've been engaged to him ever 
since last January. 



38 THE TWO DICKS. 

Marie. Then he did deceive me. 

Alice, {bitterly) You deceived. I was, you mean, 

Betty, {irossing to where Miles is sitting on daven- 
port and speaking aside) Oh, do stop It, this is awful. 

Anna, {appearing at l. i. e.) Dinner is cold, I'm 
afraid, madam ; it has been served some time. {Exit) 

Betty, {starting off l. i. e.) Of course, I'd for- 
gotten. Come along, dinner will be spoiled, {Takes 
Alice's ami) 

Betty, {releasing herself^ and beginning to sob) I 
can't eat a thing. Please excuse me. {Exit l. u. e.) 

Marie, {starting off L, i. e.) I can't believe it. 
Dick couldn't have done such a thing. {Exit L. i. e.) 

Miles. {rising) I'm starved, it's nearly seven 
o'clock. 

Betty. Is'nt this awful ? But Miles, you can't 
come now, you will have to wait and eat afterwards 
with Dick; he can't be at the table. 

Miles, {with a groan) For the love of Mike ! 

Betty. Dick is a scoundrel. {Exit l. i. e.) 

Miles. {turtmig) I say, Betty, there's another 
man come. He'll have to eat — {starts to l. i. e. and 
calls off stage) Betty — Oh, Lord, she's gone. {Returns 
to table How'U I spring this Jerome of Pittsburg. 
starting off R. u. E. I didn't even see what he looked 
like, the light was so low. {Collides with Dick, who is 
Just entering at R. u. e. 

Dick. Hello 1 

Miles. Hello 1 

Dick, {co^nitig to center) Say, far be it from me 
to seem nosey, but when do you people eat ? I'm 
starved. 

Miles. We don't eat. 

Dick. Quit your fooling. Where's Mrs Lambert ? 

Miles, {thoughtlessly) In the dining-room — 

Dick, {starting l. i.e.) I ///f //^/// 1 smelled dinner. 

Miles, {catchiiig his arm) Don't go in there. 

Dick, {surprised) Why not ? 



il 



THE TWO DICKS. 39 

Miles. There's, there's, oh, well, don't go, that's 
all. 

Dick. Now look here, what earthly harm will it do } 

Miles. Never mind. Take my advice, and don't 
go. (Miles tvalks to desk) 

Dick, (gloomily) There doesn't seem to be any- 
thing else around here to take. But say, I guess I've 
known you long enough to tell you things straight — 

Miles, {turning) Well — ? 

Dick. (Going to fire) Cut out the booze. 

Miles. BOOZE ? 

Dick. Sure, you don't know what you ARE doing. 
Why if Mrs. Lam 

Miles, (indignantly) Haven't had a drop. 

Dick. — Oh, come on. 

Miles. Not a drop. 

Dick. Well, you act mighty queer. Why can't I 
go in there then ? 

Miles, (desperately) Because there is something 
in there, you must not see. 

Dick, (surprised) Something I must not see. 
What is it ? (as though an idea strikes him) A present ? 

Miles, (seizing at the idea) Yes, that's it. 

Dick, (patting him on the back) Oh, I say, old pal, 
that's awfully nice of you. I've got a little something 
for you in my bag, want it now .-• 

Miles. Let's wait till morning. You'll get yours 
then, (aside) If not sooner. 

Dick. All right, but when do we eat ? 

Miles, (sitting at right of table) When you make 
up this quarrel with Alice. 

Dick, (coming eagerly to table) Is she here .'' 

Miles. I didn't say so. You've acted like a chump. 

Dick, (sitting on table) I did ? 

Miles. Trying to play the gay Lothario like that 
and treating a girl like Alice in that fashion. 

Dick, (standing) Good Lord, man, you aren't 
going to take her side too, are you ? I'm miserable 
enough without your going back on me too. 



40 THE TWO DICKS. 

Miles. But this outrageous flirtation at Narra- 
gansett 

Dick. Are you going to start that, too ? I tell you, 
I've never been there. 

Miles. That's getting old. 

Dick, [walking to chest, and turning on Miles) I 
tell you I've never been there, and I've told Alice so, 
till I'm almost a gibbering idiot. 

Miles. Never been there, eh ? 

Dick, [sitting down hard on bench) NO ! 

Miles, {soothingly) Well, if you say so, but how 
about this picture Betty tells me Alice found ? 

Dick. That was sent to me. (Miles looks unbeliev- 
i)i^) That's straight, my brother sent me that picture 
of Miss Brooks, I think that's her name, she's his girl. 

Miles. That so ? Didn't know you even had a 
brother. 

Dick, {coining to table) Sure you did, only he 
hasn't been around here for years, my aunt took a 
great fn'icy to him, sent him to preparatory school and 
to college in her home town, and now he's engaged, 
and this is the girl. Alice saw the picture he sent for 
my inspection, that, combined with some fool story she 
believed about someone seeing me at the Pier, cooked 
my little goose. {Sits at left of table) 

Miles. Fool thing to do, go sending pictures 
around that way. 

Dick. Why ? I sent Alice's to my brother, too. 

Miles. It makes lots of trouble 

Dick. It did for me, all right. 

Miles, {rising) Let's go and smoke, dinner will 
be ready soon. 

Dick, {rising) Hope so ; I'm famished. 

Miles. Well, it isn't ready yet. {A clatter of dishes 
is heard from L. i E.) 

Dick, {pajising to listen) It sounds suspicious. 

Miles, {taking his arm) Oh, come on. {He drops 
Dick's arm and exits to R. u. e. after turning out lamp") 



THE TWO DICKS. 41 

Dick, {sniffing air) I smell that dinner. {Starts 
off right, and 071 exit) He acts sober enough at times, 
and then 

{Enter Kiazy. from L. i E. crying. She siftks into daven- 
port, and buries face Ofi arm of it. 

{Enter Dixon Jerome//'-^;;; l. u. e.) 

D. J. {crosses to desk) I wonder what time they 
dine here ? {Sees Alice) She looks familiar, where 
have I seen her before ? {Steps forward to c.) I beg 
your pardon 

Alice, {springing to her feet, arid mistaking him for 
Dick) DICK — er Mr. Jerome. 

D.J. {greatly astonished) DICIv? — er — at your 
service. 

Alice, {angrily) How dare you intrude yourself 
on me in this manner. {As D. J. tries to speak) 
Don't speak to me. {Advances and D. J. retreats 
behind table) It is bad enough that through this mis- 
erable schemes of my so-called " friends " I am com- 
pelled to be under the same roof with you. 

D. J. {aside) The woman's crazy. {Aloud and 
stepping forward) I beg your pardon, but 

Alice, {more angrily) Don't you dare to speak to 
me. Wasn't it what you wanted, to go to your Marie ? 
You're free, now ^o. {Tur?ts to fire) 

D.J. {aghast) MARIE? 

Alice. Do you still keep up that farce ? 

D. J. I fear you are laboring under a delusion 

Alice. WHXT ! 

D. J. {firmly) For I have not the pleasure of 
your acquaintance. 

Alice, {sinking on davenport with a moan) Oh, 
oh, this is the worst of all ! 

D. J. {coming forward) Possibly you have mis- 
taken me for some one ? 

Alice, {rising and dashing the teais from her eyis) 



42 THE TWO DICKS. 

MISTAKEN ? Never 1 Do you think I wouldn't 
know you! (D. J. looks more astonished) Oh I I 
thought you were at least a gentleman, but now, even 
that is denied me. After all that has gone before, our 
. engagement 

D.J. {staggering back) WHAT? 

Alice. You even refuse to recognize me. Mis- 
taken ! But don't trouble yourself, I have as completely 
forgotten you, as you pretend to have forgotten me. 
Go to your Marie, she's here, go to her 

D. J. {coming fortvard) Marie here ? Not Marie 
Brooks 1 

Alice. Oh, why pretend, you know she is here. 

D. J. But she was to go to Havens'. 

{Enter Miles and Betty, l. u. e. They pause, horrified, 
and Miles comes to center, Betty stands Jiear table 
at back.) 

Miles. So you did meet. 

Alice, {turning passionately on Betty) I warned 
you not to try this. I'll never forgive you, never. 
Just a scheme, a miserable scheme. You knew he was 
coming, and you invited her here on purpose. I hate 
you, all of you. {Exit swiftly at l. u. e.) 

D. J. The lady is a trifle upset. 

Betty, {turning on him) You're a perfect brute, 
Dick Jerome. 

D. J. {retreating to desk) Are you Mrs. Lambert ? 

Miles, {astonished) WHAT! 

Betty, {unheeding) You haven't common polite- 
ness. {Cross to chest) 

D. J. {at R. u. e.) But 

Betty, {looking off l. u. e.) Here comes Marie. 
Now we'll see what you have to say. 

D. J. Marie who ? 

Betty. Can you face both these girls? 

D. J. Not another as crazy as the last one. {Exit 
R. u. E. hurriedly) 



THE TWO DICKS. 43 

{Enter Marie l. u. e. She starts for r. u. e.) 

Marie. Why, who was that ? 

Miles, {barring the 7vay) Why — er 

Betty, {taking her arm) Come and see the neck- 
lace I just got 

Marie. But who went out 

Betty, {pulling her to l. u. e.) Miles ju^ gave it 
to me. Matrix, all set with 

Marie. Matrix ? My dear, how sweet, let me see 
it. {Exit Betty and Marie l. u. e.) 

Miles. By Jove, Dick acted queer. I don't make 
him out. Tried to make out he didn't know Betty. 
{Crossing to r. u. e.) And why does he persist, even 
to me, in that story about not having been at Narra- 
gansett. {On exit) Wonder where the new arrival is ? 

{Enter Marie hurriedly from R. u. E., as though she ex- 
pected to find some one there. On finding the room 
empty, she looks disappointed and sits on davenport?) 

{Enter Dick, r. u. e. He advances to center of room, 
sees Marie, and starts out hurriedly l. u. e.) 

Dick. Ye gods I If there isn't Marie Brooks ! If 
Alice finds out she was here, I'll never be able to make 
her believe me. 

(Marie turns, sees him as he exits, and runs after him to 
r. u. e.) 

Marie. Why, that's Dick ! Dick, Dick, It's Marie. 

{Enter Betty l. u. e.) 

Marie. {turni?ig) Mrs. Lambert — 

Betty, {crossing to fire) Yes? 

Marie, {corning to c. and speaking in a freezing tont) 
I know, that after the way I have taken advantage of 
your hospitality, I am scarcely in a position to say 
much, still less to take exception to your choice of 
guests. 



44 . THE TWO DICKS. 

Betty. I don't understand. 

Marie. Will you tell me why my fiance was in- 
vited here and then the knowledge of his presence in 
the house kept from me .'' 

Betty. Your fiance ? 

Marie. I should have said my former fiance, it is 
true, but since the breach between us is unknown to 
anyone except you, he stands to out-siders as such, 
and I expected to meet him at the Havens'. 

Betty, {sitting on davenport) He doesn't know 
them. 

Marie. Oh, indeed. How is it then, that I was 
invited on his invitation, because he wanted me to be 
there, and asked Mrs. Havens for it. 

Betty. Why, when did he meet them ? 

Marie. At Narragansett. They left before I came, 
so I didn't meet them. 

Betty. At the Pier. So he was there ? 

Marie. " Was there " .-' Certainly. I became en- 
gaged to him. I was so anxious to go to this little 
party, for I hoped we would adjust our differences 
then. It is too late now, of course. Why was he 
invited here ? 

Betty, {coldly a?td ivalking to table) Well, you 
really have no right to question my choice of guests as 
I believe you said, but I will tell you. He was asked 
down for Alice. (Marie looks horrified) I asked her 
down, and Mr. Lambert, not knowing that she and 
Dick had quarreled, invited Dick. 

Marie. Do you believe her story that she is, or 
was engaged to him ? 

Betty. Believe it? It was announced in October. 

Marie. Oh, this is awful, {sinks into chair at 
right of table) {fiercely) Do you think I will let her 
have him ? 

Betty, {walking to desk) Perhaps you can't help 
yourself, your's was a summer flirtation, you know. 

Marie, {furiously) This is unpardonable {starts 



I 



II 



THE TWO DICKS. 4B 

offi.. U. E.) Rest assured, if I had any way of getting 
to the Havens', I would not stay here another minute. 

Betty, {starting after her) I am very sorry. No, 
wait. {M.\K\¥. pauses) You cannot with any justice, 
blame me, for 1 knew nothing of any claim you might 
have on him, and naturally, Alice is very bitter toward 
you, since she thinks you were the cause of all the 
trouble. 

Marie. I ? She, you mean. I quarreled with 
Dick on account of her. (Betty looks more surprised 
and tiviibled) Flirtation, indeed. Her's was the flir- 
tation, and he had her picture — {Exit to L. u. e. crying) 

{Enter Miles at r. u. e.) 

Betty, {runnijig to him and seizing his arm) Miles, 
I'm nearly crazy, why Marie — 

Miles. I don't want to hear anything about Marie, 
come and meet a new arrival. 

Betty. An arrival ? Who ? 

Miles. He was on his way to Havens' — 

Betty. Havens'—? 

Miles, {grinning) Yes, we have most of their 
party, it seems, and he couldn't go any further, on 
account of the snow ; missed his train. 

Betty, {coming to center) So he stopped here ? 

Miles. Yes, but he's all right, I saw the invitation 
the Havens' sent to him. Can't I have him and Dick 
go into dinner, I'm nearly dead. 

Betty, {turning out lights on table and at desk) 
Yes, let me meet him, and then you can have dinner. 

Miles, {leading her oJf-R. u. e.) He's in the den. 
{Exit both.) 

{Enter Marie l. u. e.) 

Marie, (callitig Mrs. Lambert) Oh, she's gone. 
(Sits disconsolately on davenport) 

{Enter Dixon at l. u. e. He stumbles over rug.) 
Marie, {starting) Who's there ? 



46 THE TWO DICKS. 

Dixon, {recovering /limse/f, and comhig forward) 
MARIE. 

Marie, {sprmging to her feet) DICK. 

D. T. {trying to embrace her) My darling, 

Marie, (stepping back) Don't you touch me. Why 
are you here instead of at the Havens'? 

D. J. My train from Pittsburg was late, so I missed 
connections, and had to drive. 

Marie, {crossing to center behind table) Why, so 
did I, 

D, J. {following) Lambert kindly took me, and I 
was going early in the morning, 

Marie, {crossing to desk) So was I, (D, ']. follows 
and again tries to embrace her) No, I want you to ex- 
plain about this Alice. 

D, J. Who's Alice — ? (Marie looks astonished) 
What, that girl I just saw? I never saw her before, 
but she seems to think she knows me, 

Marie {crossing to cefiternear footlights) You never 
saw her before ? How about, that picture you had in 
your pocket ? It is the same girl, and — 

D. J, {following to center) Will you let me tell 
you, what you would not give me a chance to explain 
before, that my brother here in New York sent me 
that picture, she's his girl. 

Marie, {turning) But she says she's engaged to — 

D. J. {taking her in his arms) I don't care what 
anyone says, I've got you back, haven't I ? 

Marie, {kissing hi??i) Yes. {Enter Alice frojn 
L, U. E. She pauses horrifed and then comes swiftly to 
center) So, I've caught you. Quite like Narragansett. 
Now Dick Jerome, can you explain this ? 

D, J, {releasing Marie) What explanation does it 
need ? This lady is my promised wife. (Alice covers 
her face zvith her hands) 

Marie, {stepping forward) Do you still claim 
him ? (D. J. looks astonished ) 

Alice, {furiously) No indeed, but {To D. J.) 



THE TWO DICKS. 47 

I'll take my letters, please, and my picture, and the 
cigarette case 1 gave you. 

Marie, {turning to Dixon, and holding out hand) 
What does she mean, Dick? 

D. J. I don't know, I never saw her before to-night. 

Alice, {furious) Do you think she will believe a 
tale like that ? 

Marie. So he has had letters and presents from 
you has he ? 

Alice. Certainly, and I will show you some he 
wrote to me. I want my letters back. 

Marie, {wearily) Take him with them. (7<7 D. J.) 
Take your ring, Mr. Jerome. 

D.J. {refusing it) Marie, please listen to me, there 
is some mistake. I don't even know this young lady. 

Alice, {retreating to table) Oh, oh — 

Marie, {angrily) It is a little late for me to be- 
lieve that. Take your ring. {He does so) 

(Enter Miles at r. u. e.) 

Miles. Hello, I thought you promised me you 
wouldn't try to see the girl you thought was here ? 

D. J. I gave you no such promise. (Marie crosses 
to desk, and Alice tofre) 

Miles. Oh, come on, now. You're in a nice fix, 
Dick. What are you going to do about it ? 

D. J. (wearily) Nothing. (Angrily) I can't make 
anyone believe a word I say, and what's more, you call 
me Dick, on darn short acquaintance. (Exit to R. u. E.) 

Miles, (backing up to L. u. e. door) Short acquain- 
tance ? He's crazy ! 

(Enter Dick l. u. e., he runs into Miles.) 

Miles, (turning and seizing Jiim by the arm, and 
dragging him info room) That's right, come back to 
face it. 

Dick, (surptised) Face what ? 

Miles, (marching him to center of stage) You've 



48 THE TWO DICKS. 

got to explain this, you can't fool with these girls any 
longer. 

Dick. What's up ? 

Miles. Are you crazy ? 

Dick. Well, I guess I'm not. 

Miles. I believe you are. First you say you are 
engaged to one girl 

Dick, {seei/ig Alice) Why, Alice, are you here ? 
{Steps forivard ) 

Alice. How dare you speak to me now ? 

Dick, {sadlx) Can't you get over that fool picture 
afifair? 

Marie. My picture, a fool picture ? 

Dick. Everyone hopping on me. 

Alice. I could have forgiven that, but this last is 
too much. You say you are engaged to her, there she 
is, take her. 

Dick, {aghast) Take her, engaged to her ? 

Alice. Take her ! 

Dick. But, I never met her. 

Miles. ) 

Alice. CwHAT! 

Marie. ) 

Dick. I don't even know her, 

Alice. And not five minutes ago I found her in 
your arms. 

Dick, {staggering back) In my arms ? Well, I 
guess not. 

Marie {coming to center) This is awful ! Where 
is the ring I just gave you ? 

Dick, {more and more astonished) What I am 
into ? You didn't give me any ring. 

Alice, {coming forward) I i'rt'?^' her give it to you. 

Dick. You did not, the only ring I have is the one 
you gave back to me after we had that quarrel. 

Marie. And you just insisted that she had mis- 
taken you for someone else, and you made it all up 
with me. 



THE TWO DICKS. 49 

Dick, i never did ? I tell you, I nevef met you 
before. Alice, dear, {sle/>s to her) please believe me, 
I never saw this girl before except in a picture. 

Alice. So at last you admit the picture ; at last ! 
The picture taken on the rock. 

Dick. What rock? 

Alice. At the Pier. 

Dick. 1 tell you, I've never been there. 

Miles, (turning to zvindow and back again) And 
that's the one story he sticks to. 

Marie, {cofning forward) But, you met me there. 
(Dick looks staggered) 

Alice. What monsters men are. First, you deny 
knowing her, just now you refused to recognize me. I 
find her in your arms, now you say you don't know 
her. Oh, what have I done to be treated so ? {Exit 
l. u. e.) 

Miles. By Jove ! (Dick runs to l. u. e. calling, 
" Alice ") 

Marie, {coming to center) Dick, Dick! {She sinks 
071 chest) 

Dick, {after a look at Marie, exits at L. u. e. calling) 
Alice ! 

{Enter Dixon, r. u. e. jvearing a coat and carrying a 
suit-case and hat.) 

D. J. If you don't mind, I will try to reach Havens' 
to-night, I cannot trespass on your hospitality any 
longer. 

(Marie, lookifig greatly surprised, rises and Miles walks 
to him). 

{Enter Betty from L. i e.) 

Betty. Why, you aren't going, are you, Dick ? 

D. J. Why,— er 

Marie, {coming to fire, and speaking in a tone of 
surprise) Dick ? 



50 THE TWO DICKS. 

D. J. Er — , yes, Mrs. Lambert, — er — you are Mrs. 
Lambert ? 

Miles, {surprised) Mrs. Lambert ? (Betty, /'// a 
tone of disgust) Mrs. Lambert ! 

D. J. Things have arisen that make it impossible 
for me to remain. 

Miles. You must have clone a Marathon around 
those doors to get back so quickly. 

D. J. {surprised) Quickly? Why, I've been up in 
my room packing for the last ten minutes. 

Marie, {coming forward 7vith clasped hands) He's 
lost his mind. 

Miles. Can't you tell the truth at all ? 

D. J. {angril}) What ! 1 

Miles. That's what. ( 

Betty. What has he done ? 

Marie. He said he didn't know me, and then he 
said he didn't know Alice. 

Betty, {surprised) Didn't know Alice ! 

D. J. Marie, I have not denied knowing you. 
There is some mistake. I have told nothing but the 
truth, and some time you will know it. When that 
time comes, remember I shall always be waiting for 
you. {Exit to L. u. e. leaving his bag.) 

Alice, {entering from R. u. E.) Oh, he's going, 
Dick's going. 

Betty. What else can he do ? 

Alice. I'd forgive him even now, if he'd only tell 
the truth. 

Miles. He's gone dippy, and can't. 

{Enter Dick at R. U. e. wearing a coat and carrying a 
suit-case and hat.) 

All. Back again ? 

Dick, {ynuch surprised) AGAIN! Well yes, but 
now I'm going for good. {Steps to center) Alice, 
{All look astonished) some time you will find out that 



THE TWO DICKS. 51 

I have spoken the truth, and when that time conies, 
remember, I shall always be waiting, and willing to 
forgive you. 

{^Everyone looks amazed.') 

Marie. You just told /«<?, you'd be waiting for me, 
when /found out the truth. 

Dick. Why I never did. 

Miles a«^I5ETTY. We just heard you say so. 

Dick. You're all crazy, I did not. 

All. you DID. (Dick begijis to protest., and they 
to insist.) (Enter Dixon from L. u. e.) Pardon me, I 
left my bag. 

Alice. Why, who are you ? 

Marie. Who are you ? 

Betty. Who is this man ? 

Miles, (taking a look) By Jove I've forgotten all 
about him, that's the arrival I told you of. 

Dick, (embracing!).].) Why it's old Dick. When 
did you come ? 

Betty, (at desk) Old Dick ? 

Miles. Do you know him ? 

Dick. Know him, well rather ; he's my brother. 

Miles and Betty. Your brother? 

Marie, (faintly, and coming to center table) They're 
just alike. Dick. 

Dixon, (coming for^uard) Yes Marie. 

Alice, (coming forrvard) Oh, you know her now. 

Dick, (cotning forward) ALICE. 

Alice. Why, why, which is MY Dick? (She turns 
to Dixon.) 

Dick, (overjoyed) No, /';« your Dick, Alice. 

Miles, {to Dixon) Explain this will you ? 

D. J. (indicating Dick) My twin brother. 

Dick. (same biisiness) My twin brother, from 
Pittsburg. 

Marie and Alice. Pittsburg. 



52 



THE TWO DICKS. 



Miles and Betty. Twins. 

Dick. I'm from New York 

Dixon. And I'm from Pittsburg. 

Miles. I see it now, no wonder we were mistaken. 

Dick. Am I your Dick again, Alice ? 

Alice, {holding him ojf) That picture of Marie. 

Dick. My brother sent it to me. 

Betty, {stepping to center) And Narragansett 

Dick, {emphatically') I wasn't there. 

Dixon, {stepping to M.kk\^ at desk) No, /was at 
Narragansett, and I met Marie there. 

Alice, {joyfully) Oh, Dick, you were telling the 
truth after all. {He takes her in his arms.) 

Marie, {turnijig to Dixon) And so were you. 

D. J. {taking ringfi-om pocket and putting it on her 
finger) Here's your ring. {He embraces her.) 

Marie. The one I asked you for, Mr. Jerome. 
{to Dick.) {as Dixon again embraces her) Oh, I'm 
so happy. 

Miles. {ei7ibracing Betty at center behind table) 
Let's get in the swim. ( The clock strikes.) 

Betty. Twelve o'clock. People, it's Christmas I 

Marie, {advancing to center, Alice meeting her) A 
Merry Christmas, Alice dear. 

Alice, {hissing her) You Darling I 

{Every one shakes hands and start a general congratiila- 
tiofi of each other.) 



\ 



CURTAIN. 

NOTE. The part of Dixon may be played up to 
almost the last, by the man playing Dick. This was 
done in the very successful production of the play this 
winter by a Dramatic Club, and this eliminates the 
trouble of having the two men so absolutely alike, as 
the man entering at the last may be sufficiently alike to 
deceive, for the short period left. In this case, some 



THE TWO DICKS. 68 

one must be stationed at L. u. e. and R. u. E. the one 
at L. u. E. to help him with his coat, and the one at 
R. u. E. to hand him the suit-case and hat, when he 
enters as Dixon. 

If two men phiy the parts, it is obvious that they 
must be very much ahke, but as this is so often difficult 
the one man is suggested. 

At the recent production of this play, it was a most 
pronounced success, and the audience was in roars of 
laughter from curtain to curtain. 

Care must be taken to lower the lights when directed, 
and the snow carefully manipulated, though the snow 
can and was eliminated without spoiling the effect. 

The main point to be observed by actors in this 
play, is swift action, quick entrances, quick exits, and 
the Dicks must be particularly careful not to be tardy 
on their entrances, if two take the parts, and if one 
man plays both, he must make the entrances in the 
shortest possible time, as this alone was one of the big 
hits, his remarkably quick exits as one Dick, and quick 
entrance at the other side as the other Dick. 



■rtrST PVBLIBBBB 

What Happened to Jones 

An Original Farce in Three Acts 
By GEORGE H. BROADHURST 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

JONES, icA(? travels for a hymn-hook house 

EBENEZER GOODLY, a professor of anatomy 

ANTONY GOODLY, D.D., Bishop of Ballarat 

RICHARD HEATHERLY, engaged to Marjorie 

THOMAS HOLDER, a policeman 

WILLIAM BIGBEE, an inmate of the Sanitarium 

HENRY PULLER, superintendent of the Sanitarium 

MRS. GOODLY, Bbenezer's wife 

CISSY, Bbenezer's ward 

MARJORIE, ) 

MINERVA ) ^^^^^^^'>''^ daughters 

ALVINA STARLIGHT, Mr. Qoodly's sister 
HELMA, a servant 

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES 

ACT 1, — Handsomely furnished room in home of 

Ebenezer Goodly. 
ACT 2.— The same. 
ACT 3.— The same. 

This is the jolliest sort of a farce, clean and sparkling all the way 
through. A professor of anatomy is lured to a prize fight and the 
police make a raid on the "mill." Tlie professor escapes to his 
home, followed by Jones, a traveling salesman, who sells hymn 
books when he can and playing cards when he cannot. The police 
are on the trail, so Jones disguises himself by putting on a Bishop's 
garb, and a lot of funny complications ensue. The other funmakers 
are aided not a little by an escaped lunatic. This celebrated farce 
has been a tremendous success for years on the professional stage and 
is now published for the first time. 

PRICE, SO CENTS 



JUST PPBLISHED 

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CUPID AT VASSAR 

A COMEDY DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS 

By OWEN DAVIS 

AUTHOR OF "AT YALE" 

CAST OF CHARACTERS 

ToHij WiLLETT A Young Architect. 

Amos North Of North & Son, Bankers. 

Shiny A Lazy Darkey. 

Hank Gubbin The Hired Man. 

Mrs. Newton Of Great Falls, Vermont. 

Kate Her Daughter. 

Wanda Kate's Half-sister. 

Miss Page 

Sally Webb 

Matty Hart 

Alice Worth 

Patty Snow 

Helen Conway 

As many more college girls as are desired. 

SYNOPSIS 
Act I 
Scene, sitting-room of Kate's home in Vermont. (At the Old 
Home.) 

Act II 
Scene, Kate's room, in a senior double. (At Vassar.) 

Act III 
Scene, same set as Act I. with snow and winter backing and 
Christmas tree, etc. (Vacation Time.) 

Act IV 

Scene, college campus at Vassar. (Graduation Day. The Daisy 
Chain.) 

This comedy is eminently suited to girls' schools and colleges, as it 
can be played by all females. There are only four male char- 
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be easily dressed by girls. The play has all college surroundings, 
and the last act contains the famous daisy chain which is so popular 
at girls' colleges. 

price; 2d C£NTS 



K*^ SEND FOR A NEW DESCRIPTIVE CATALOQUE. 



vol.. XLI. 
I Tilt; I'ir.'ite's Leu-icy 
i 'I lie C'liui-i ual Buruer 
I A.lelK'tlia 
t f-dii.r V;iliente 
i Korest Rose 
i liuke's Daughter 
I Camilla's Husb? ^ 
j Pure iJold 

VUL. XLir. 
» Ticket i.l Le;ive Man 
I Ko.il% KeveiiKC 
I U'Neil Hie tileat 
■llaiKly ,\i„l,v 
( I'iiii e ,.1 iht Isles 
I I'alielM.ii 
I Lillle li.treloot 
i Wild li-.ill (iirl 

VUL. XLIII. 
t Pearl ol ^avo.v 
>' I )ead Heart 

I Ten Nights in a Bar-room 
I Dumb Boyof Maiu-hester 
Bel|ihegof theMounteb'k 
f Criuket on the Hearth 
1 I'rinter's Devil 
I .Meg's DiversioQ 



(Frenches Standard Drama Continued /rom 2d page of Cover.) 



VOL. XLIV 

345 Drunkiird's Doom 

346 Chimney Corner 

JJ7 Fifteen Vearsofa Drunk 
348 No Tborou(;hlare I aril'i 
34a Peep O' D.iy LLife 

360 Everybody's Friend 

361 Urn. Grant 

36".^ Kathleen Mavourneeu 

VOL. XLV. 
363 Nick Whiffles 

354 Fruits of the Wine Cup 
36o Urunkard's Warning 

356 Temperance Doctor 

357 Aunt Din.-lh 

355 Widow Freeheart 

359 Frou Frou 

360 Long Strike 

VOL. XLVI. 

361 Larcers 
36'i Lu' ille 

363 Randall's Thumb 

364 Wicked World 

365 Two Orphans 

366 Colleen Bawn 

367 'Twixt A.ie and Crown 

368 Lady Clancarthy 



VUL. XLVII. 

369 Saratoga 

370 Never Too Late to Mem 
311 Lily of France 

Led Astray 



373 He 



ify 



374 Unequal Match 

.i7o May or Dolly's Delusion 

.{76 Allatoona 

VOL. XLVIII. 
377 Enoch Arden 
37!S Under the (ias Light 

379 Daniel Rochat 

380 Caste 

381 School 
3S2 Home 

383 David Garrlck 

384 Ours 

VOL. XLIX. 
S85 Social Glas! 
386 Daniel Druca 
38" Two Roses 

388 Adrienne 

389 The Bells 
Uncle 

391 Courtship 

392 Not Such a fool 



VOL. L, 

393 Fine Feathers 

394 Prompter's Box 

395 Iron Master 

396 Engaged 

97 Pygmalion <Jc Galale» 
398 Leah 

Scrap of Paper 
4UU Lost in London 
VOL. LI. 

401 Octoroon 

402 Coni'ederate Spy 

403 Mariner's Return 

404 Ruined by Drink 

405 Dreams 

406 M. P. 

407 War 

408 Birth 
VOL. LIL 

409 Nightingale 

410 Progress 

411 Plav 

412 Midnight Charge 

413 Confidential Clerk 

414 Snowball 

415 Our Regimen^ 

416 Married for Money 
ilet in Three Acts 

Guttle & Gulpit 



FRENCH'S INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHTED EDITION 
OF THE WORKS OF THE BEST AUTHORS. 

The following very successful plays have just been issued at 25 cents per copy. 



A PAIR OF SPECTACLES. Comedy i.; 3 Actf 
by SvDNhV Gkiinov, author of " Sowing the Wind,' 
Ac. 8 male, 3 female characters. 



An origma! play In 
luthor of '• Sowing th 
characters. 



A FOOL'S PARADISE. 

Arts bv SvDNiiV l-iRUNrv, 
Wind," Ac. 5 male, 4 femal 
THE SILVER SHIELD. An original comedy in 
3 Acts by .SvoNRv (iRUNDY, author of "Sowing the 
Wind," (fee. 5 male, 3 female characters. 

THE GLASS OF FASHION. An original com- 
edy in 4 Acts by Svi >tv i;ri ■^Dv, author of "Sowing 
the Wind," &c^ 5 male. 5 female characters. 



Farcical comedy in 8 Acts by J. 
<viLLE Fenn. 6 male, 4 female 



THE BALLOON. 

H. Darni.kv and M 

characters. 
MISS CLEOPATRA. Farce in 8 Acts by Akthub 

Shirlkv. 7 male, 3 female char.acters. 
SIX PEBSONS. Comedy Act by I. Zanowill. 



ale, 1 fe 



cter. 



PASHIONABl E INTELLIGENCE. Comedi- 
etta iu 1 Act by Percy Fkndall. 1 male, 1 female 
cha -acter. 

HTOPLAND LEGACY. Comedy in 1 Act by 
Bramion Thomas, nuthnr of "Charley's Aunt," 
5 male, 2 female characters. 



Contents of Catalogue which is sent Free. 



Amnteur Drama 
( Amateur Operas 
Artirles Needed by Amateurs 
Art of Scene Painting 
Baker's Reading Club 
Beards. Whiskers, Mustaches, etc. 
B<mnd Sets of Plavs 
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Burnt Cork 
rahnian'sStorv 
Carnival of Authors 
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Children's Plays 
Comic Dramas for Male Characters 

only 
Costume Books 
Crape Hair 
Cumberland Edition 
Darkey Dramas 
Dramas for Boys 
Drawing-room "MonoTogues 
Elocution, Reciters and Speakers 
biopian Dra^nas 



Evening's Enterlamment 
Fairy and Home 'r'lays 
French's Costumes 
French's Editions 
French's Italian Operas 
French's Parlor Comedies 
French's Standard and Minor 
French's Standard and Minor! 

bound 
French's Scenes for Amateurs 
Frobisher's Popular Recitals 
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Ouidi Book's for Anuiteurs 
Guide to Selecting Playa 
Hints on Costumes 
Home Plavs for Ladies 
Irish Plavs 



ng's Plays 
" ■ Pla 



Make-Up Book 

Make-Up Box 

Mock Trial 

Mrs. Jarley»s Wiix 'Worka 

New Plays 



New Recitation Books 

Nigger Jokes and Sttnap Speeches 

Parlor Magic 

Parlor Pantomimes 

Pieces of Pleasantry 

Poems for Recitations 

Plays for Mr,. Characters only 

Round Games 

Scenery 

Scriptural and Historical Dramas 

Sensation Dramas 

Se'io-Comic Dramas 

Shadow Pantomimes 

Shakespeare's Plays for Amateurs 

Shakespeare'- Plays 

Stanley's Dwarfs 

Spirit Gum 

Tableaux Vivants 

Talma Actor's Art 

Temperance Plays 

Vocal Music of Shakespeare's Plays 

Webster's Acting Edition 

Wigb, etc. 



(Frenches Minor Drama Continued from 4th page of Cover.) 



P 



VOL. XLI. 

Adventures of a Love 
oit Child [Letter 

Court Cards 
oc and Box 
rtv Winks 
■ iiderfn! Woman 
-ioua Case 
eedleton's Tail Coat 



VOL. XLTI. 

329 As Like as Two Peas 

330 Presumptive Evidence 
.331 Happy Band 

332 Pinafore 

333 Mock Trial 

334 Mv Uncle's Will 

335 Happy Cair 

336 My Turn Next 



VOL. XLIII. 
3.37 Sunset 

.338 For Haifa Million 
33'.l C ble Car 
341) Early Bird 
341 Alumni I'l.ay 
34-.' Show of Hands 

343 Barhrir-. 

344 Who's Who 



VOL. XLIV. 
346 Who's To Win Him 

346 Which is Which 

347 Cup of Tea 

345 Sarah's Young Man 

349 Hearts 

360 In Honor Bound [La 

351 Freezing a Mother-ii 

352 My Lord in Livery 



MUEL FRENCH, 28=30 West 38th Street, New York City, 



J. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRES 



FRENCH'S MIiNOR 



Price 15 Cents each.— Bound Volu 



VOL. I. 
1 Tk« Irish Aitnrney 
» Boot. !it tlie Swan 
8 How to Pay the Rent 

4 The Loan of » Lover 

5 The IJead Shot 

6 His Last *.egs 

7 The InvU.Dle Prince 
ti The Gol.lun Fanner 

VOL. n. 

» I'rlde of the Market 

10 Used Up 

11 The Irish Tutor 

U The Barrack Room 

13 Luke the La orer 

14 Beauty and the Beast 

15 St. Patrii'k's Eve 

It Captain cif the Watch 

VOL. in. 
IT The Se.ret [pi 

18 White Horse of the Pep- 

19 The Jacobit* 
iO The Bottle 
81 Box and Col 
»2 Bamhooiling 

58 Widow'e Victim 
J4 Robert Macair* 

VOL. IV. 
n Secret Servio* 
ii Omnibus 
27 Irish Lion 
28Maid of CrolssT 

59 The Old Guard 

50 Raising the WinJ 
M Slasher and Crasher 

32 Naval Cngagenieuts 

VOL. V. 

33 Cocknies in California 

34 Wlio Spvaks First 

35 Bouibastes Furioso 
»* Macbeth Travestie 
31 Irish Ambassidor 
38 Delicate Ground 

3» The Weathercock [Gold 

40 Ail that Glitters li Not 

VOL. VI. 

41 GrImshaM', Bagshavr and 

Bradshaw 

42 Rous{h Diamond 
13 Bloomer Costume 
44 Two Bonnycastles 
a Burn to 'Jood Luck 

It. Kiss in Hie Dark [jnrer 
47 'Twould Puiiie • Con- 
t8 Kill or Cure 

VOL. VII. 
»» Box and Cox Married and 
ot'St. C-ipid [Settled 

51 Qd-K bed Tom 

52 The Lawyers 

53 Jack Sheppard 
64 The ' "oodles 

66 The lohoap 
56 Ladies Beware 

VOL. VIII. 

67 Morning Call 

68 Popping the Questloi 

69 Deaf as a Post 
80 Ne .» Footman 

61 Pleasant Neighbor 
,2 Paddy the Piper 
fi3 Brian O'Linn 

64 Irish Assuranc« 

VOL. IJl 

65 Temptation 

66 Paddv i^^rey i 

67 Two Gregones I 

68 King Cha-ming 
ti9 P.i-ca-hon-tas 

70 Clockm.aker's Hat 

71 Married Rake 

72 Lore and Murder 

VOL. X. 
78 Ireland and A-^erlca 

74 Pretty Piece of Business 

75 IrUh Broom-maker 

16 T» Paris au(^ Back for 

Mre Pounds 
77 That Blessed Bakf 
f8 Our Gal 
7» Sxiiss Cottage 
ta Young Widow 



VOL. XI. 

81 O'Flannig in and the Fal 

82 Irish Post [ries 

83 My Meighbor's Wife 

84 Irish Tiger 

85 P. P., or Man and TIget 

86 To Oblige Benson 

87 State Secrets 

88 Irish Yankee 

VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow 

90 Cherry and Fair Star 

91 Gale Breezely 

92 Our Jemiiny 

93 Miller's Maid 

94 Awkward Arrival 

95 Crossing the Line 

96 Conjugal Lc=-on 

VOL. XIH. 
<!7 Mv Wife's Mirror 

98 LiVe in .New York 

99 Middy Ashore 

100 Crown Prince 

101 Two Queens 

102 Thumping Legacy 

103 Qnflnished <2>-ulleman 

104 House Dog 

VOL. XIV. 

105 The Demon Lover 

106 Matrimony 

107 In and Out of Place 

108 I Dine with My Mother 
1C» Ki-a-wa-tha 

110 Andv Blake 

111 Love in '76 [ties 

112 Romance under Dimcul- 
V)L. XV. 

)13 One Coat for i! .Suite 

114 A Decided Case 

115 Daughter [norltv 

116 No; or, the Glorl.)us Mi- 

117 Coroner's Inquisition 

118 Love in Humble Life 

119 Family Jars 

120 I'ersonation 
VOL. XVI. 

121 Children in the Wood 

122 Winning a Husband 

123 Day After the Fair 

124 Ma;k=! Your Wille 
Rendezvous 

126 My Wife's Husband 

1 27 Monsieur Tonson 

28 lilustrioufi Stranger 

VOL. IVH. 
129 Mischief-Making [Ml nes 
liO A Live Woman Id the 
Ul The Corsair 

132 Shylock 

133 Sp^iiled Child 

134 livil Eye 

136 ••? ^thing to Vurse 

136 Wanted* \Vidov» 

VOL. xvm. 

137 Lottery Ticket 

1 38 Fortune's Froli* 

139 la he Jealousi 

) '.0 Married Bachelor 
J41 Husband at Sight 

142 Irishman in London 

143 Anima! Magnetism 

144 Highways and By-W ays 

VOL. XIX. 

145 Columbus 

146 Harlequin Bluebeard 

147 Ladie- at Home 

148 I'henomenoo In a Smock 

Frock 

149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite ^'eifjhbors 

151 Dutchman's Ghost 

152 Persecuted Dutchman 

VOL. XX. 

153 jvfusard Ball 

..5J Great Tragic Revival 

155 High Low Jack Sc Game 

156 A Gentleman from Ire 

157 Tom and Jerry [land 
168 Village Lawyer 
]5p Captain's not A 
i6*^ Amateurs r-ncl Actors 



VOL. J 

161 Promotion 

162 ^ Fascinati 

163 Mrs. Caudle 
1()4 Shakespeare's Dream 
I6i N'-ptune's Defeat 

166 Lady of Bedchamber 

167 Take Care of Littl 

168 Irish Widow [Charley 

VOL. XXIL 

169 Yankee Peddler 

170 Hiram Hireout 

171 Double-Bedded Room 

172 The Dr-ama Derended 

173 Vermont Wool Dealer 

174 Ebeneier Venture [tei 

175 Principles from Charac 

176 Lady of the Lake (Trav; 

VOL. XXIU. 

177 Mad Dogs 

178 Barney the Baron 

179 Swiss Swains 

180 Bachelor's Bedroom 

181 A Roland for an Oliver 
18t .More Blunders than One 
183 Dumb Belle 
l,s4 Llm<Tick boy 

VOL. XXIV. 

185 Nature and Philosophy 

186 Teddy the Tiler 

187 Spectre Bridegroom 

188 \IattBO Falcone 

189 Jenny LInd 

190 Two "Buzzard* 
91 Happy -\I:«n 

192 Betsy Baker 

VOL. XXV. 
No. 1 Round the Comet 

194 Teddy Roe 

195 Object of Interest 

196 My Fellow Clerk 

197 Bengal Tiger 

198 Laughing Hyena 

199 The Victor Vanquished 

200 Our Wife 
VOL. XXVL 

201 My Husband's Mirror 

202 Yankee Land 
303 Norah Creina 
204 Good for Nothing 
206 The First N ight 

206 The Eton Boy 

207 Wandering Minstrel 

208 Wanted, 1000 Milliners 
VOL. XXVH. 

209 Poor Pilcoddy 
21C The .Mummy [GIas»; 

211 Don't Forg'^t your Opera 

212 Love In Livery 

213 Anthony and Cleopatra 

214 Trying It On 

215 Stage Struck Yankee 

216 Young Wife & Old Um- 
brella 

VOL. XXVTTI. 
21T Crinoline 

218 A Fauilly Falling 

219 Adopted'Chlid 

220 Turned Heads 

221 A Match In the Dark 

222 Adyice to Husbands 
Siamese Twins 

224 Sent to the Tower 
VOL. XXIX. 
^■25 Somebody Rise 
2 6 Ladies' Battle 

227 Vrt of Acting 

228 The Lady of the Lions 

229 The Rights "f Man 
2.30 Mv Husoand's Ghost 

231 TWo Can Play at that 
Game 

232 Fighting by Proxy 
VOL. XXX. 

233 Unprotected Female 

234 Pet of the Petticoats 
2.S5 Forty and Fifty [book 
236 Who Stole the PockM- 
■'37 My Son Diana [sion 

238 Unwarrantable T n t •■ u - 

239 Mr. atfU M-j. White 

240 A Quiet Family 



(French^ ^ Minor Drama CoHiinued on ^d page of Cover.) 



017 401 455 3 

243 Jumho .luni 

244 A Blighted Being 

245 Little Toddlekins 
24*) A Lovfr by Proxy [Pall 

247 Maid with the Milkinjj 

248 Perplexing Predicament 
VOL. XXXU. 

249 Dr. DUworth 
260 Out to Nurse 
251 A Lucky Hit 

262 The Dowager 

263 Metemora (BurVsqne) 

254 Dreams of Delusion 

255 The Shaker Lovers 
266 Ticklish Timet 

VOL. xxxiir. 

•67 20 Minutes with a Tiger 

258 Miralda; or, the Justice 
of Tacon 

259 A Soldier's Courtship 

260 Servants by Legacy 

261 Dying for Love 

262 Alarming Sacrifice 

263 Valet de Sham 

264 Nicholas Mckleby 
VOL. XXXIV. 

265 The Last of the Pletalls 

266 King Rene's Daughter 

267 Th. Grotto Nymph 

268 A Devilish Good Joke 
21.9 A Twice Told Tale 
270 Pas de Fascination 

'71 Revolutionary Soldier 

in A Man Without a Head 

VOL. XXXV. 

273 The Olio, Part 1 

274 Tne Olio, Part t 

275 The Olio, Part 3 [ter 

276 The Trumpeter's Dkc^ 

277 Seeing Warren 

278 Green Mountain Boy 

279 That Nose 

280 Tom Noddy's Secret 
VOL. XXXVL 

281 Shocking EvenU 

282 A Regular Fix 

283 Dick Turpin 

284 Young Scimp 

285 Young Actrese 
586 Call at No. 1— T 
2H7 One Touch of Nator* 

288 Two B'hoys 
VOL. XXXVII. 

289 All the World's a Stage 
-'90 Quash, or Nigger Prao* 

291 Turn Him Out [tice 

292 Pretty Girls of Stlllbern 

293 Angel of the Attic 

294 Cl'cumstancesalterCaaee 

295 Kutty O'Sheal 

296 A Supper In Dixie 

VOL. xxxvrii. 

597 Ici on Parle Francals 

298 Who Killed Cock Robto 

299 Declaration of ludepend- 

300 Heads or Tails [enoe 

301 Obstinate Family 

302 My « unt 

303 That Rascal Pat 

304 Don Paddy de Baian 
VOL. XXXIX. [tore 

306 Too Much for flood Na- 

306 Cure for the FIdgeU 

307 Jack's the Lad 

308 Much Ado AhoutNotMng 

309 Artful Dndff»r 

310 Winning Hazard 

311 Day's Fishing [&e. 

312 Did you ev-r send yonr, 
VOL. XL. 

313 An Irishman's Maneuver 

314 Cousin Ifannie 

315 'Tis the Darkest Hour be- 

316 Masquerade [fore Dawn 

317 Crowding the Soason 

318 Good Nicht's Rust 

319 Man with the Carpet Bf ' 

320 Terrible Tinker 



SAMUEL FRENOH, 28-30 M est 38th Street. New York City. 

N§w «ndl Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Nailed Free op Request. 



